Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.

Us/We

entry picture

On tip toes,

A one-legged dancer,

Twirling, precariously

Reaching out,

To hands that do not exist,

Carpet pulled from under feet

A ground that shakes

In defeat

I stand.

My future, with you

Uncertain.

◄ I still

Blow Me ►

Comments

Profile image

Corr Lens

Fri 6th Mar 2015 11:00

Ive been here. very straight forward and clean. Love this.

Preeti Sinha

Fri 6th Mar 2015 04:41

Hi Laura, the one-legged dancer is metaphorical in its feeling of unsteadiness and the rest are analogous to uncertainty :) I don't know how to explain better ! Graham, thank you. Also thank you for finding me beautiful :0 Tilly, you are very generous ! Andy, thank you for reading, as always :)

<Deleted User> (13516)

Thu 5th Mar 2015 19:56

What a wonderful analogy Preeti, I like this very much :)

Profile image

Andy N

Thu 5th Mar 2015 12:56

uncertain at the end of this is a really interesting end.

good stuff.

Profile image

Graham Sherwood

Thu 5th Mar 2015 10:36

I feel justly guilty of persuading you to delete the picture Preeti, but please don't take it as a unilateral view.

As to the piece, I repeat, it sings in a way that one imagines the style of music that you describe the dancer performing to. I particularly like the somewhat dramatic end.

Graham

Profile image

Laura Taylor

Thu 5th Mar 2015 10:22

Do the leg and feet belong to the same person? If so, and I think they do, something to think about would be the use of the plural 'feet'.

Other than that this is a succinct and intriguing snapshot :)

Preeti Sinha

Thu 5th Mar 2015 10:21

I could not delete my pix ! I had to delete the entry itself. Please put your nice comments back Graham !
Thank you for reading and giving very fair and just opinion.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message