(With an enormous nod to Mike Harding and the very under-rated Doncaster bard, Steve Womack - check him out on YouTube)

 

For our first date I had a plan

I didn’t think you’d bring your Naan

I asked you what it was your Papadum

You said your Pa Paratha go

Which means your Marsala lone

Then I felt some pressure building in my bum.

 

I blame that Prawn Vindaloo

And Chingri Chaat

That Vindaloo has pebble-dashed straight through

And so I flew to the loo

In seconds flat

For a Vindaloo poo

That’s where I’m sat.

 

Because she’s got a dicky Tikka

She ordered Lassi for her liqueur

As the girl behind the Bhaji adds a slice

I thought she’s Madras a hatter

I said “Are you Dopi”aza

But I couldn’t Keema staring from your Rice.

 

I blame that Prawn Vindaloo…

 

I asked her if this Dansak’s mine

She said “We’ll dance Samoosa time

I’m wanting to look Kofta my handbag”

We left as Paals there’s no doubt

But as it was so Jalfrezi out

So cold my Chaat-up lines began to Sag

 

I blame that Prawn Vindaloo…