I stand before this mirror

Looking not at but through

My eyes push to recognise

Focus on a version of self

that at least holds some semblance

Or truth, I wait………..

 

Then ringing it comes!

And certain feelings

Lost like so many old keys turn up

And in this I re-gather

Windows open and I feel the rush

Of my own youth

 

Ruined weather worn flaking

Paint on an old shed door

Now peals and renews

Inside so many cloudbursts

Shelter, my face, now no

Longer young stairs back

Out of a glass square window

And I can smell it, I am there

Wood stain paraffin and

Green wet grass, I step out

And re-gather

 

Peering over high garden

Hedges, I now am able to see

what was hidden from view?

Once only imagined secret no more

But still can’t be shared.

My Cowboy suit patiently sits

Atop high wardrobe shelf

Till hands still moving 1 year older make

 

How easy it is in this moment

To sense teddy bears so long since

Stuffed and buttoned

Blue check pyjamas ironed so soft

Mother kisses and afternoon naps

How easy……..I re-gather and wait

Yet struggling to summon drudgery

Just days old in the moment, I return

 

The happiest times of childhood

and family are burnt and branded,

Ripped into the very tissue of our soul

My one constant The Glue The Mother

And from this like so many truly meant

Kisses or tears wiped, these memories

Are chosen to rise and repeat

They are resin-set and can be neither

Undone nor broken by future

They hold no fear of judgement

The happiest of days

 

 

 

 

This poem is personal and very much reflects my childhood memories