(...so I says to Bob Dylan, "If you can use it, use it")

 

It ain’t no use to sit

and wonder why, Babe,

Now that you are fifty four;

It ain’t no use to grit

your teeth and lie, Babe,

Now your boobs point to the floor;

You used to have a perky pair that’s heaven-blessed

They stood and shouted, “Hiya”; blokes were well impressed;

But now your bra’s like scaffolding fixed round your chest;

Don’t look twice it’s cellulite.

 

And surgery might spoil

your double chin, Babe,

It’s something that you can’t afford;

And it ain’t no use to oil

your saggy skin, Babe,

Just put it on the ironing board;

Underneath your eyes are showing bags and rings,

And from your upper lip a moustache sprouts and springs

And keep your arms beside you – you’ve got bingo wings

Don’t look twice it’s cellulite.

 

It ain’t no use pretending

you’ve good eyes, Babe,

With glasses perching on your head;

Be careful when you’re bending

cos your thighs, Babe,

Show rolls of wobbly tissue when they’re spread;

When once you walked so tall you now begin to slouch,

You’ve wrinkles all around your eyes and round your mouth,

Your boobs are in Antarctica – they couldn’t get more South,

Don’t look twice it’s cellulite.

 

It ain’t no use in slapping

on the face, Babe,

You might be better off by using bleach;

That corset that you’re strapping

Round your waist, Babe,

Its hooks and eyes will never reach;

Your hair is thinning badly, it’s a tufted thatch,

It’s grimy, grey and greasy; there’s a balding patch

And not just on your head but also on your snatch

Don’t look twice it’s cellulite.