Old Ladies

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(On the occasion a couple of years ago of several friends 50th birthdays occurring)


You might like my poem – give it a whirl

I hope it gets clearer as it unfurls

Concerning 5 people – all birthday girls.

Leaving their youth in arrears

Becoming 5 sweet old dears.


The theme as I mentioned is common to all

Their 50th birthday’s about to befall

Despite their best efforts to try and to stall

The onset of advancing years

The deadline inexorably nears


One of these ladies is my darling wife

The one I intend to share all my life

But if I get from her any more strife

I’s’ll bray the silly old bat

(Don’t tell her though that I said that!).


There’s Val. (“Is she 50?  Surely it’s false?”)

Then Jill and Angela necking a Grolsch

“So who’s missing?” You might ask. Yes, you’ve guessed – it’sLynne Walsh

Who’s never yet made a date

Without ever turning up late.


From the tone of my verses you might think you detect

A certain irreverance or lack of respect

But no! there’s none from my bed I’d reject

Despite their declining years

Well - after a couple of beers.


All five they could have me, if they was canny

I think that they’re all a nice bit of fanny

Even Jill Wilford and she’s now a granny

At their age they make sex a blast

See they reckon it might be their last.


I’ve bought your prezzies – a shawl and some mittens

I’ve got you some wool to start off your knitting

And incontinence pants for something to …sit in

To cope with your dribbling wee

Hang on – they’ll come in for me.

◄ Honduras

Hotel Fawlty Towers ►


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Yvonne Brunton

Mon 21st Jan 2013 19:09

if one is a sweet old dear at 50 there's sod all hope for me (unless Phil Fletcher gets off his pussyogenetic horse)
Your prezzies could have been more imaginative. ( ref my poem The New Me)
A witty ditty.

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Nick Clifton

Mon 21st Jan 2013 05:02

I thought you said you wasn't takin' the piss?
of course mine are incompetent pants, ta muchly, nick.

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