Flip flops and questionably rolled cigarette,
Alan a 1st from Cambridge and dishevelled,
raised a stare from a dense looking
navy tattooed Friday night clobber man.
My friend the actuary,
remunerated accordingly.
Piano recitals at 5
a piece of child prodigy
viewed in a pub
through views unkind.
A mirror is needed.
What sort of fool -
judges by appearance?
Just read that back to myself. Sorry if it sounds negative. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you could probably have made more out of this subject - taken it further - which is pretty rich coming from me as I can't seem to get my head round tackling any subjects at the moment :)
Hey ho.
I think that plenty of highly intelligent people do end up as vagrants. My mum knew a tramp who went everywhere with a little briefcase. When he went into hospital they found out it contained his degree paperwork.
I was a bit confused by this initially. I think you could have ordered it a little better. Perhaps given each character their own verse. The dense looking tatooed man could just as easily be your friend the actuary, given the subject matter... but your comment says there are 3 men, and no women.
I would have replaced that full stop in the second verse with a comma also.
It's a good subject for a poem and not one I can remember reading about before. Who would, but we all do, to some extent.
Haha I can see the irony your speaking of Cathy, but I also see a wonderful and entirely legitimate take on the words. I think your reading exists from certain cues in the language that are very definite; Prejudice, 3 men in a bar, each looking over at one another, no women present, Navy Tattoo can be down the docks straight or butch. Piano recitals - could indicate in the context of the other words a certain artistic flair. And a 'look at you' tone can easily be deduced.
Haha So I really like the fact that a totally differing angle and direction is in there. x
Someone once wrote something along the lines of; anything I write is all of my intention, until it is published. Then the words become the intentions of others.
I think there is a lot of truth in that - poems have to be what can be taken from the words. Some poets hate that, some struggle, some like the fact.
I am in the middle usually - but sometimes, like here - it is really good/likable.
Best
Chris
Hee hee, how ironic- judging your poem as I did. What sort of a fool would do that?! x
Thx Cathy & Harry - both for reading and commenting.
The eye of the beholder. Interpretation sometimes is everything, isn't it?
Beauty and prejudice in one sense, may be said to come from the same place.
Hey Cathy, I was amazed at your interpretation, until I looked at the poem through the lens of your comments and reinterpreted the words accordingly. Not only is your interpretation entirely valid, as much as any intention I have had; it's also given me a huge smile. I can now see cues in the language that I had not considered, it allows for an entirely new angle on prejudice.
Thx :)
Hi Harry, it is amazing how we judge isn't it. I mean there is no logical contradiction between the appearance and intellect you mention is there? I guess as pattern seeking animals or creations (depending on your view;) we just naturally find it easier and more comfortable to generalise based on past experience. It is understandable and a degree of prejudice exists in us all I think. Recognising such and trying to think beyond it seem important to me.
Questions?
In this poem, what is the man with the tattoo doing and where is he?
Next
What am I doing, and where am I?
Hehe
Years ago, when I used to go to the odd poetry
reading at the poetry society in Earls Court square during union visits to London, a scruffy old bag-lady- who had a triple first from Oxford - used to attend and make some excellent comments on the poems.
HA! I love the quick judgements- camp and sharp. I can see pursed lips and gesticulations! Funny x
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Chris Co
Sat 8th Dec 2012 00:42
Hey Isobel,
Thx for reading and commenting - ta.
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I think that plenty of highly intelligent people do end up as vagrants. My mum knew a tramp who went everywhere with a little briefcase. When he went into hospital they found out it contained his degree paperwork.
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It's a lesson to all of us, not to be too ready to judge the book by the cover. Or at least, try to defend against that notion as best we can.
This poem is firmly based in reality. Though I admit to having used artistic licence, to try to make it more poetic.
In the real situation 'Alan' is highly intelligent and relatively well off. At the time he was driving a very nice car and living in one part of the country with a flat in another. It just so happens he isn't vain and was I guess the term would be - dressing down for the day.
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I was a bit confused by this initially. I think you could have ordered it a little better.
Unquote
You may well be right, I was trying to bring cognitive dissonance into the poem and the style also is somewhat of a departure.
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Perhaps given each character their own verse.
Unquote
I think that is what I would have done more typically; I agree - it's definitely a way to have gone.
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The dense looking tatooed man could just as easily be your friend the actuary, given the subject matter... but your comment says there are 3 men, and no women.
Unquote
Mmm I don't see that myself, not sure. The 3rd person is the narrator which I would presume people would take to mean me. Then again, maybe that is wrong - hard to say.
Quote
I would have replaced that full stop in the second verse with a comma also.
Unquote
I had about 6 different drafts, differing line breaks, enjambment, no enjambment, differing stanzas. Differing grammar. A bit mad really, but even with very small poems my editing is very OCD. In one draft, I had the comma you spoke of Hehe. I changed it because I like the sound and clause of;
Piano recitals at 5
a piece of child prodigy
viewed in a pub
through views unkind.
As one unit of sound. I found that if I used a comma in place of a full stop, the reader most likely ran out of air and died before reaching the words 'views unkind'. If I had chosen the comma, I would have had to alter the rest of the stanza for sound and go a differing route. Maybe a differing route would have been better, hard to say. Your point is definitely valid/might have been better to go that way.
Quote
It's a good subject for a poem and not one I can remember reading about before. Who would, but we all do, to some extent.
Unquote
Thx. The subject in the this context and in a wider setting is very interesting to me. I also think we all have prejudice; to differing degrees. I guess the key is to be aware, limit it where possible etc and try not to act upon it. Maybe not to be to haughty if we see it in others too. I think a lot comes down to parenting and what is handed down. I have been fortunate, as have many of us. Most people have benign prejudice and not much more - I feel sorry for those with bigger bundles to carry.
Quote
Just read that back to myself. Sorry if it sounds negative. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you could probably have made more out of this subject - taken it further - which is pretty rich coming from me as I can't seem to get my head round tackling any subjects at the moment :)
Hey ho.
unquote
No need to apologise - I think your right. It doesn't sound negative either; it's good feedback.
I suppose part of what I was trying to do was catch a wider issue in a small sphere. That idea made me go for a more self contained situation, rather than paint in bigger broader brush strokes.
But the food for thought is good - ta.
Best
Chris