30 Steps

 

The city is drenched in gold tonight
The sea is silver, like my temples
My hands feel older now than ever
But my mind and my grip is so much surer
Than back when I was younger;
 
I've run from love when it got tough
My hair was bleached in boiling light
I helped as many people as I could
Still, my thoughts were darkened in the wilderness
Felt alone in crowds of smiling happiness
I learned to speak, to see, to feel this reality
 
I’ve understood, been understood
I’ve compromised, been compromised
I’ve judged, been judged
Fairly, unfairly
 
There’s been a heaviness in my limbs at times
And there has been an energy almost devine
Coming from somewhere I never knew could be in me
I've wronged and cheated with a pathological absence of care
Which boomeranged around and sunk me in the end
It can be rough to open your consciousness to reality
 
Siblings, parents; undulating friendships
The push, the pull of love and life
In trying to align the poles in me
I was blind, but thought I was seeing
I was blank, but thought I was saying something
The painted stones I carved, I threw them out to sea
 
I’ve deceived, been deceived
I’ve contradicted, been contradicted
I’ve believed, been believed
Justly, unjustly
 
So I take off my shoes, take out my headphones
I want this wave to wash all over me
The short hand, the long multiplications
I laid out all my working for you to see
Trying to crack the code of something real
The combination of what is me
 
I’ve been taking thirty steps away from where they forged my heart
I’ve been taking thirty steps toward the tide line, where I etched my childhood
Drew a line beneath it, and paused to watch;
 
The waves of youth lap out
The waves of youth lap
The waves of youth
The waves
The
...
 
 
(17 Feb 2011)

Birthdaysgrowing oldergrowing-upseaturning 30

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Comments

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Thu 21st Jun 2012 15:27

This is breathtaking - so many brave and bold lines. I really enjoyed reading this - one I could come back to many times.

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