The Cart Belongs to Paddy
(The original "Coal Porter")
I stripped with Ned
The church roof’s lead
But we made our get-a-way badly;
The horse was lame
Said Ned, “And the same
Can be said for the axle, sadly”.
The traffic cop
Flagged us to stop
And said when he’s stopped laughing madly,
“Are these both yours?”
I said, “Yes – the horse,
But the cart belongs to Paddy.
Yes the cart belongs to Paddy;
We were taking it back to his shed”.
“The cart’s going nowhere, laddie.
What’s this ‘ere; in the back; is it lead?
So I have to warn you, laddie,
That I don’t think a word of it’s true.
That the cart belongs to Paddy;
So pull the other one too.”
So with a grin
He took us in;
The Good Guy was followed by baddies;
The bobby led
Then me and then Ned
As the horse limped behind us sadly.
But what a hike!
The trudge seemed like
We’d trekked the Burmese Irrawaddy;
I thought I’d try
The same alibi
That the cart belonged to Paddy.
“See, the cart belongs to Paddy
And I never knew it contained lead;
Yes the cart belongs to Paddy –
Tell him Ned; Tell him Ned; Di’n’t it Ned?
And he’s gone to Hyderabad he
Asked I return it.” I lied.
“So if the cart belongs to Paddy
How come your name’s on its side?”