“We’ve singles and trebles and this 12 pack here

Means old men can use one each month of the year;

We’ve ribbed ones and ticklers, all colours and sizes

And ones that light up and are full of surprises

And this one’s a novelty, first that I’ve seen

Which on your completion plays “God Save the Queen”;

There’s Strawberry, Chocolate, Lemon and Mint

And even in Chilli to make your girl squint;

We cater for culture, ethnicity too,

We’ve one with no top on for Muslim or Jew.”

So, lost for an answer but thought that I’d try

I nervously offered my stammered reply,

“I think I’ll try Aldi ‘cos all that I mean is

I just want one plain and that tastes like a penis”