The California warmth has left my bones.
old memories hang as heavy as these winter clouds,
I am consumed by thoughts of you.
bring visions of your apocalyptic smile.
And I remember why I left.
My bones feel that familiar ache
as does my heart.
Call me Phinnius, your trusted friend
and push me over this broken branch edge.
Over and over again.
I let you betray me
Call me a dull razor
in the stillness of a cool climate.
Allow me to slice into these dumb memories one at a time.
My scars redden here,
like perforated edges showing me where to cut
I remember why I left.
Snow melts on wool scarves,
wet shoes piled on top of a front door register.
Collapsing on to one another.
They are drying out the way that I have so many times before.
The morning light is my new medication,
I have given myself over to it,
pushing myself on to it.
I eat it up until my belly is swollen and plump.
Old words you have said, repeating themselves
Your voice, is a heavy heartbeat.
Your face a distant echo, clouding my mind, leaving no room for sleep
I will carry you in a precious metal box, wrapped up in ice
I do not dare open it.
My lips are chapped enough and there is no reason to unfold the past
For she, is a ribbon cut as red as my heart.