Charles Dickens would be 200 this year, here's a little tribute.........

 

Well once upon a time about a hundred years ago

There lived a bearded writer who was rather good y’know

His given name was Dickens he weren’t half a clever sod

But some considered his subject matter to be rather odd

He lived within the slime and grime of dirty London town

And taking in surroundings he would always write ‘em down

The good the bad the ugly and the well and truly grim

So much that Queen Victoria grew very sick of him

 

She didn’t like him pointing out the error of her ways

The workhouses for children on which he would write for days

And the reform of society would give her blood a chill

His twisted take on ethics was enough to make her ill

After she read Oliver Twist she nearly flipped her top

It was then that she decided that this madness had to stop

So she put on all her glad rags and went over to his abode

And when he opened up the door she bopped him on the nose

 

She said ‘You better stop your meddling in economic affairs

Or else I’ll come around again and pull out all your hairs,

You don’t know what your messing with I’m handy in a fight

You better stop the slander or I’ll punch out all your lights.’

But Dickens didn’t listen to the warning he received

He continued to tell the truth ‘cause that’s what he believed

And after he was done the world was never quite the same

And Dickens had reached the pinnacle of fortune, class and fame

 

It was safe to say that Queen Victoria wasn’t very pleased

‘Cause Dickens had the politicians trembling at the knees

And all the folk in London they were crying out for change

They all considered her leadership to be a little strange

She said ‘I warned that little blighter now he’s really fucked me off

And now it’s time to show him that this monarch isn’t soft’

And then followed a story that the kids would tell with glee

It was known as the biggest punch up of the 19^th century

 

Dickens heard his bell was ringing he opened up the door

And got a shock when Queen Victoria smacked him in the jaw

He put his hand up to his face and got just what he feared

He discovered that the silly cow had knocked off all his beard

So he gave the queen a rugby tackle they tumbled down the street

There was flailing of the arms and there was kicking of the feet

She was cursing at the writer she was calling him a cunt

He was calling her a mad old trout who had a lot of front

 

They were rolling round the cobbled stones of humble London town

When one would try to stand up then the other would put them down

They rolled on by the parliament and over the river Thames

It was clear to see these historical figures weren’t the best of friends

The authorities could only stand and look upon the scene

They couldn’t do a lot because you can’t arrest the queen

And so they just decided  'Let the brawlers sort it out

And when i get home to the Mrs tonight i'll have something to talk about'

 

They got up to their feet and Vicky dusted off her dress

Her crown was lost along the way, her hair was in a mess

Dickens was feeling worse for wear he turned away to leave

And then Victoria threw a punch that you would not believe

But Dickens was made of stronger stuff, he threw another right

And with a single sweeping blow he finished off the fight

Victoria was on the ground her head was in a daze

And this left even Dickens to be pretty damn amazed

 

So he walked back to his manor and the people clapped and cheered

They wanted to show their gratitude to the writer most revered

Who pointed out the down points of an oppressed society

And made the people laugh with his wit and comedy

He created like a King and he wrote just like a dream

But mainly he’s remembered now for knocking out the Queen

So if history's taught us anything, there's one thing not to do

Don't fuck with Dickens and he won’t fuck with you.