Prince Harry's Stag Do

My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen
and subjects of the room.
I'm here today to warn you
of impending certain doom.

I will go in to detail
so sit back if you please
as I reveal a royal event
that may bring much unease.

I heard a wicked whisper
that filled me full of dread,
I'm told that dear Prince Harry
well, he might be getting wed.

That isn't the biggest issue though
that isn't anything new.
The thing that really worries me
is Prince Harry's stag do.



The ginger prince will prance the streets
while drinking pricey wine,
recruiting guests along the way
with a massive conga line.

Consisting of the megastars
and Eton graduates,
and various high class drug dealers
dressed so immaculate.

They'll all go marching merrily
to every pub and bar,
and start to drink themselves unwell
'til they don't know who they are.

Yes, many men shall vomit
on many a person's shoe,
and many a stripper shall be lead astray
at Prince Harry's stag do.



They'll round up Boris Johnson
and tie him to a rail.
They'll photograph William cheating on Kate
and send it to The Mail.

They'll throw gold bars at moving cars
and flip the workers off
while wearing matching t-shirts saying:
'Proud to be a toff!'

They'll cause so much debauchery
Keith Richards' jaw will drop.
They'll laugh in the face of CID
when they are asked to stop.

They all will do a line of coke
in every Soho loo,
dressed in their finest Nazi suit
on Prince Harry's stag do.



The party'll be remorseless
and world leaders will fall,
then wake up and wonder what they did
but not recall at all.

Harry will be naked
as he's half way up Big Ben,
and Kanye will have to run for the bog
'cause he's gonna throw up again.

The guards of Buckingham Palace
will all be in a state.
Cameron and Clegg will be so smashed
they'll both forget they're straight.

Beckham will piss all over himself
and he won't even have a clue,
and it all carries on 'til they get everyone
at Prince Harry's stag do.



The citizens will look upon
this rather rowdy rabble,
and think if it's good enough for the royals
they may just have a dabble.

The streets will then be crowded
with loyal joiners in
'til every town in the british isles
will reek of royal sin.

The town halls will be set ablaze,
the drugs will keep on flowing.
Harry wonders when it'll end
but there's no way of knowing.

They've started the country's apocalypse
without thinking it through
all because of a little event
called Prince Harry's stag do.



That's when my dear ladies, gents
and subjects on the room,
they'll impose a rule upon you all
on which they will assume

that we'll tidy up the mess they made
for things got carried away
and impose a tax for all repairs
that we will have to pay.

The money taken from us
shall be borderline absurd
'cause Harry warned us he would party
and Christ he kept his word.

So sleep with one eye open
'cause this may well come true
and every man shall know the wrath
of Prince Harry's stag do.

◄ There are bouncers in McDonalds now

Make the World Your Ashtray ►


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