LOVE IS DEAD
LOVE IS DEAD
So it is time, love is dead, I have no girl only desolate loneliness
spreading out inside me, sadness leaving tears beyond belief
in this dark hour of my blackness. Mental instability threatens
my very existence, brings trauma and flashbacks, past into focus,
fight as I might. Breaking down to cry in anger at my own loneliness,
find a knife in my hand after hours, days of tragic thoughts.
A barrier is crossed October17, every 3rd week of the month a new cut
on my leg, see the red blood through water eyes of tears, my perfect leg
scarred now forever. Not my actions but my hand did it, alive on its own –
an extension of my wounded mind. Yet who can save me from this end game,
end it before my end? Love could, heal me, save me, take my pain, despair,
loneliness, sadness, anger, anxiety, depression, negativity, take it all away
and bring a positive. Yet I dream of my soulmate, a fool’s dream.
How talented am I, yet I am not alright in matters of the heart,
no woman puts her arms around me, no blanket of love to end
my instability. If I have love, find love, I am liable to lose it.
I feel so unstable. What if I lose my mind, self control and self discipline
fails and I lash out, make a tragic mistake? No one must suffer my pain
or upset, who can guide me, for eternity and to the stars? My dreams are empty,
do I drop them and pick up the knife and shed more blood,
through my streaming tears? If I survive, what will a future lover
say at my scars? At the ones she can see? Can she take my mental scars away
and heal me, save me? Or is love dead, my love dead?