(Why do all dog owners think think everyone else loves their dog?)

 

My objections I will chart;

They stink like hell, that’s for a start,

I sometimes blame them for my fart;

I hate your bastard dog.                

 

On my chair you let it chew,

It jumps up on my sofa too,

I don’t think “Coochy coochy coo";

I hate your bastard dog.

 

It bit my shirt, so now it’s torn,

It barks all day to dusk from dawn,

You let your bitch piss on my lawn;

I hate your bastard dog.

 

You let it shit upon the path

And don’t clean up the aftermath,

My trainers now will need a bath;

I hate your bastard dog

 

Your platitudes I can recite,

”It won’t hurt you.  It won’t bite”;

My kids are terrified it might;

I hate your bastard dog

 

They chase me when I’m on my bike -

I think it’s my white legs they like,

They look like bones to your mutt Spike;

I hate your bastard dog

 

The pit-bull that’s all snarls and growls,

The bulldog with its slobbering jowels,

The spaniel shagging on my towel;

I hate your bastard dog

 

Those little ones that wear a coat

Whose owners carry them and dote,

In case you hadn’t heard my quote;

I hate your bastard dog

 

With big brown eyes they beg a morsel

As I eat crisps sat on a barstool,

If it’s got a mouth and arse-hole

I hate your bastard dog

 

On my rug your bitch has peed;

I know you think there is no need

But keep it on its fucking lead;

I hate your bastard dog.