“Caesar et erat forti, Pompeii adsum iam;

Caesar sic in omnibus, Pompeii sic intram”.

Whoever’s said a thousand times that Latin doesn’t rock

Will change their minds when they have heard “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.

When we were merely schoolboys our Latin we would mock

The pointless repetitions like “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.

And bored to death with Virgil we’d watch the classroom clock

So slowly tick its hour down “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.

But now that I’m a grown man I’ve time to take more stock

And recognise the value of “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.

This revelation came to me when I was in Bangkok

When with a ladyfriend I peeped underneath her frock;

Involuntarily I cried, realising that this Jock

Was not what she appeared to be “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.

And now I’ve since discovered these words ease lovers’ block

I’ve introduced into my verse “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.

With poetry so erotique the women to me flock

I whisper softly in their ear “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.

And with this secret password their panties I unlock

Then show the tattoo on my tool of “Hic haec hoc hunc hanc hoc”.