Vast and empty resting places
Sleeping Titans stand no more
Vairocana, Sakyamuni
Dust upon the valley’s floor.
Art and beauty simply rubble
Never more gazed on by Man
But,
Timelessly and still serenely
Walk the Ghosts of Bamiyan.
Love the subject, lovely little crafted poem.
Lines of male ending/upstroke iambic tetrameter followed by alternate lines of female ending iambic trimeter.
Really good use of sibilance in the opening lines.
The poem has a great feel/cadence with the trimeter lines falling as they do. It conveys a sense of solemnity or loss that is very much appropriate.
I love the syntax reversal in the last line of the first stanza and also like the way this echos the second line in the stanza which itself has the more modern syntax.
Sometimes a middle-English type of line affords a beauty that modern day syntax simply doesn't allow for. While some may sniff at the mixing of the too and decry a lack of continuity, I really like it and guess you do as well John.
To me it is like have a building that brings together the best of differing periods of architecture- tastefully done it's great.
The only thing that could be said (subjectively) is...could another two lines be contrived in place of the word But...just to make it a perfect sequence?
Is that asking for too much or indeed is it what the poet would want?
Either way- lovely little crafted poem.
P.S Sorry for banging on.
My Best
Chris
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Harry O'Neill
Wed 10th Aug 2011 17:28
Reverse Ozymandias
The Oblivious ignores oblivion
SHORT AND NEAT JOHN