I once grew cucumbers in significant numbers

on a plot down the end of our lane

they were all shapes and sizes though none would win prizes

in fact they brought nothing but pain

retailers would jeer at my distorted gear

I'd get angry defending my deeds

cross words were spoken and relationships broken

then I found that they quenched other needs

what Tesco would reject were actually perfect

to be sold for a holesale use

I would load up and go to an S+M show

where the punters enjoyed the abuse.