It’s a meat and potatoes kind of life
now I no longer sing.
A getting in the coal
sort of existence.
Without love to bring
a bubble to the yeasty bread.
Without yearning
making the heart knock.
Imagination’s horns are safely lopped
now I no longer dream
and romance’s wagging tail
is docked.
Flowers dry in the vase
now I don’t care to dance.
Petals ossified, as desire steps
into the corner of an empty room.
Philipos
Tue 5th Apr 2011 09:07
I agree with many of the comments here Ann - a very well crafted poem indeed x
I've replaced imagination with desire - if you see what I mean! Thanks for comments. I'm not really a sorry for myself old misery drawers! Honest!
Or maybe it should be hope stepping into the corner of the empty room? I HATE it when that happens! A poem pops into your head and then one word won't come!
I know - I could turn it into a surreal poem - a stale corned beef sandwich could step into the corner of an empty room!
Or maybe whatever it is shouldn't step but limp! Now I'm totally mixed up!!!
It is a privilege to have you share this with us, Ann. Very well crafted, well-wrought, from the clay of truth.
Though I agree about having two too many imaginations, as 'twere.
Lots to like about this, Ann - without yearning making the heart knock is wonderful.Then I like the near-rhymes of knock, lopped, docked.What jarred was both uses of "imagination" - you could substitute "fancy" for one of them.The poem deserved a better ending, I thought.
Wonderful poem, Ann. Such rich language and as has been said here before - some very original and strong images. xxx
Ann, you are one amazing poet. This is a marvellous 'list' of inventive metaphors for Despair, each one as potent as the one before. Skillful 'Metaphors' are traditionally considered to be the epitome of great poetry. And the feeling evoked is universal sympathy.
Thanks guys - I guess we sometimes just have to get on with it. We have our health and our strength - that's OK. I'm happy with that!
Hello Ann
I didn't know what to make of this.
In one direction my attention was grabbed by the imagery and metaphor - so apposite. In another my attention was grabbed by the underlying emotion - a resignation to lower emotional expectations in life.
I'll try to work on something to make you smile.
I'm admiring the technique in this, Ann - yeasty, yearning, knock, lopped, docked, vase, dance. The sort of poetic tricks we were talking about in the youth hostel at Mankinholes this weekend!
<Deleted User> (8943)
Sun 3rd Apr 2011 17:18
Ouch, this is so solemn, I want to whisk you out and show you a sweeter world - very moving Ann.
Hi Ann,
This is difficult to comment on. Not because it's a difficult poem, but because I don't know whether you are writing from an autobiographical standpoint.
I seldom write about myself, but, as recent brief exchanges show, there's always a little of the self that does creep in in any writing - it would be strange if it didn't.
I like the way you very aptly describe the "meat and potatoes/getting in the coal" of ordinary existence. Unusual, yet extremely apposite metaphors.
Yet, if anyone can write like this; summon up that imagination and creativity - dream even, then I don't see them "in the corner of that empty room." Certainly not for long anyway . . .
Regards,
A.E.
Spring is that time of year isn't it.
As Isobel says, Ann, the imagery is fresh. It's a good poem, but more than just a poem. Still, life's full of surprises.
Crumbs - everyone seems to be posting sad ones for April.
The imagery you have used is fresh and clever, Ann and I love the flow, innovative use of rhyme and the ideas.
A clever, well structured poem that I hope isn't based on true life. x
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<Deleted User> (9186)
Wed 6th Apr 2011 22:55
Thanks for the comment on my poem - you can let it take you where you want. Meat and potatoes kind of life, that's for sure and that's if you're lucky.Could thing be worse, well maybe but of course they could always get better :)