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the quality of silence

Tuesday 8th March 2011 9:50 am

this fabric
Has got you In it
And this china chip
Has got your mark on it
Every single sip
From rainbow lip
Has got you in it
And all the silk slips
I found one
Under cover, I kept it
So I could smother
Sharp senses
She wore my shirt like a blouse
softened the sharp edges of masculinity

This home an igloo, with you in it.

Are you still into it
As I’m still into it

I made her lose an earring
so that would bring her back
but I ended up posting it.
Its only a week
But that’s a long time
In our politics
Should we go out
One last time
Like a second time
Discuss star signs
Try even harder
We could go out
Rub it off, go further than we ever did
All that discord
I should splash you
And share the spoil
Of spontaneous laughter
All these puddles
Great moments, like ripples don’t last
But concentric circles
When refracted cast
Beautiful patterns
Even when frozen
Simple yet woven complex
The little things
We craft together when sat next to no words
That’s what its about
The quality of the silence
When you seek happiness

Is she still into it
Like I’m still into it

We could try and patch it up together
But That would be like wheeling out a skeleton
And hoping the sun would make skin grow
Over brittle bone
It would be like lifting Venetian
In a darkened home
All those rays
That belonged on us
The roof overhead
The span of truss,
Shelters
But you have to want to be home
And you always wanted to wander.
So I make do with this effigy
Prod it sometimes
Its only me
And even in your clothes
It will never be
You.

◄ The Icicles

I am Mox ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (9215)

Mon 21st Mar 2011 21:29

I absolutely love this. It reminds me of an early Jo Shapcott poem, though I forget it's name, and actually I prefer this.
The imagery is lovely; very astute with regard to lost love.
xxx

Elaine Booth

Tue 15th Mar 2011 22:46

Liked the rhythm of the poem. I would like to hear it performed.

Gareth Writer-Davies

Mon 14th Mar 2011 21:04

Really liked this-like a soulful blues. Do not agree about cliched; in the times the poem describes you fall back into "easy phrases" for comfort and they are more than counterbalanced by the original phrasing elsewhere.
Nice one

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 14th Mar 2011 12:02

I like this a lot, Pete, for its haunting quality of the little things: 'every single sip from rainbow lip' and 'silk slips', 'smother sharp senses' etc. I've used these for the richness of your diction, rhythm and internal rhyme. You have used all the senses. I really liked the metaphor of 'all those rays that belonged to us' as transcending the physical into the emotional. Greatly enjoyed.

Ann Foxglove

Wed 9th Mar 2011 07:46

I think this is great. The last verse is not needed IMO, the images aren't so strong perhaps. I'd love to hear the poem read aloud.

Ray Miller

Tue 8th Mar 2011 20:35

I liked it, there are some nice turns of phrase, though I think you'd have a neater poem just first and last verse. This bit is great:
We could try and patch it up together
But That would be like wheeling out a skeleton
And hoping the sun would make skin grow

Isobel

Tue 8th Mar 2011 19:45

Lovely poem Pete and great to see you back posting.

I like the ideas in this as much as your choice of words. The idea that happiness is ephemeral pretty much sums it up for many. Put joy into a routine and great moments dissolve. No-one can take away memories though. Frozen they can bring comfort - a feeling of having lived, at least.

Would agree with Cate that this is a lovely gentle contrast to your rants.

x

<Deleted User> (8951)

Tue 8th Mar 2011 19:01

hi Pete
Excellent poem really good imagery.. Ian.

<Deleted User> (7212)

Tue 8th Mar 2011 17:53

I really like this Pete - it's different and it's strange - and there's some marvellous turns of phrases & imagery in here - and a "real" story as well !
to me the only jarring note is that (for me) Venetian needs "blinds" added on [unless I'm missing something]. well done. B

melanie coady

Tue 8th Mar 2011 14:56

aw cute,i liked it

Laura Taylor

Tue 8th Mar 2011 14:00

Very...was gonna say 'nice' but I loathe that word. Great poem. Better? Prob not. Anyway - enjoyed it

Francine

Tue 8th Mar 2011 12:58

Yes, the quality of silence, when you know someone well enough... 'The little things we craft together when sat next to no words'

xxxxx

Dave Bradley

Tue 8th Mar 2011 12:01

Excellent poem, Pete - I agree with what Cate says. Some memorable turns of phrase.

Cate Greenlees

Tue 8th Mar 2011 11:55

A beautiful poem Pete. Poignant with memories of a lost love, with some lines which linger in the memory like the half remembered haunting melody of a song forgotten.
So different from your performance rants, but I love the contemplative depth of this. Its good to see the other side of you.
Quality work!
Cate xx

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