Loveliness alights
Kiss
Soft upon trembling lip
Sweetness
Flowers in the rain
Deepest red
The sun honey darkest amber
Gold sweeps edges of night
Moon clouds stealing starlight
Where under
Lovers
Dream sleep
Until morning never comes
I agree with Isobel. It's not just imagery, musics the same. Changes our mood, that is. The latest lovers for me are war dead and the first in a golden age.
kisses
I've had to flick back and forth a few times to see the difference between these two poems. The ending to the poppies one brings in the idea of our own mortality in a lovely gentle way. I feel like I want to switch the first verse with the other poem though. It's like the first verses have got mixed up.
Lovely flow to it. The exercise illustrates nicely how just a couple of words can so change the sense of a poem. x
great stuff Gus. Seems more direct than your usual style but with economy of words. The title as wonderful as the poem. Win X
<Deleted User> (7212)
Fri 18th Feb 2011 20:22
Love it Gussssssssssss
Philipos
Fri 18th Feb 2011 19:44
Superb imagery
This conveys such beauty in the sadness...
xxx
This is lovely. I find two poems, each complete in itself, with marvellous imagery.I realize 'deepest red' is a bridge, but I can't cross it. SHEESH! You just switched the picture to poppies!
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Andy N
Mon 21st Feb 2011 08:16
i didn't realise it was two poems actually, Gus but top one. your language is defo getting more and more subtle for which you have my respect...
i'll comment over 'perfect place' later (forgot to comment back yesterday to you) x