Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.

Picnic

At a small waterfall in Aberedw

ashes are scattered and flowers thrown

through the shimmer and foamy torrent.

Much of her sinks and stains the bottom;

blooms uncaptured by the current

meander in tedious circles,

outliving at last our patience.

 

I'd imagined a floral flotilla

serenely sailing to the distance,

and the letter that you wrote

floating closely in its slipstream.

 

In death as in life she lingered:

loth to say goodbye, you considered;

or there is no place to go, I differed,

as pink and purple petals

entwined into a garland.

Only the presence of an absence;

nothing but a disappointing

end to the picnic.

◄ Donkey Jacket

Evanescent ►

Comments

Profile image

Laura Taylor

Tue 18th Jan 2011 13:32

This has some beautiful sounds in it Ray...

'through the shimmer and foamy torrent.
Much of her sinks and stains the bottom',

'I'd imagined a floral flotilla

serenely sailing to the distance...
floating closely in its slipstream'

Love the pink and purple petals too

Had to check the spelling on loth as I've always spelled it loathe. Whaddaya know?

Profile image

Ray Miller

Mon 17th Jan 2011 23:15

Thanks ever so much everyone. It's really nice when folk have several different favourite lines. I do death well, Steve, there's no getting away from it. I'm sending out a flyer to all the local undertakers.

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 17th Jan 2011 19:22

This poem is excellent, one to bookmark for many visits. 'blooms uncaptured...at last our patience' is one vivid expression among many.

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Mon 17th Jan 2011 18:16

I can connect with this so much! And what a good poem!

Profile image

John Aikman

Mon 17th Jan 2011 18:01

'Only the presence of an absence'

Fab line. It captures that feeling so well...

Thank you.

Jx

Profile image

winston plowes

Mon 17th Jan 2011 16:58

Ray, this is a well considered well observed and thoughtful piece, loved it. Loved the slipstream bit and the outliving at last our patience especially. Win x.


<Deleted User>

Mon 17th Jan 2011 16:57

Ray, this is a well considered well observed and thoughtful piece, loved it. Loved the slipstream bit and the outliving at last our patience especially. Win x.

Profile image

Greg Freeman

Mon 17th Jan 2011 15:01

These ceremonies seldom match expectations; I recall a similar one in Spain which involved an eight-hour round trip. And yet we felt we had done our duty; and my wife felt strangely comforted. Your clear-eyed view doesn't dispel the beauty of pink and purple petals entwining into a garland.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message