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They said it was the longest suicide note in history.
Then they created Care in the Community.
They said it was disrespectful to wear a donkey jacket at The Cenotaph.
And they sold us shell suits.
They said that council houses were crap.
And everybody bought one.
They said there was no such thing as society.
So we all stopped in.
They said Gotcha.
And we laughed.
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sun 16th Jan 2011 08:25
Yes, I see what you mean... it does also work without the "out".But you know me & cliches - Oi loves me a good cliche - also maudlin stuff, corny stuff, schmaltzy stuff, connectives, split infinitives etc. Seriously - and it's only my view - I'd rather not avoid even a well-worn cliche if it IS the way folks speak... in other words (for me) the avoidance of any phrase, even a cliche, if that is what Would be said (by most), is of itself, a conceit - but ONLY in the type of poem I'm talking of (demotic stuff). If I'm trying to do something a bit more heartfelt or sincere ("real" poetry, I guess), then I agree fully and avoid them cliches like the plague :D But this was only a throwing-down-the-gaunlet by Ray, took me all of a minute, and isn't a very good or well-thought-out poem anyway - just a bit of a laugh.
Well, it's up to you...'out in the cold' is a fucking dreadful cliche and 'our place in the cold' maintains the rhyme structure and avoids the cliche.
It's up to you...I mean. it's only poetry.
:-0
Jx
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sat 15th Jan 2011 23:36
HaHa - but they Are "out in the cold" - that's the saying, ain't it ?
- (new/old labour, that is)
- just "in the cold" doesn't do it, does it?
Banksy...that 'out' in the last line...fucks up the whole thing. Ditch it!
:-)
Jx
<Deleted User> (7212)
Sat 15th Jan 2011 16:05
They said that there was an enemy within,
but it wasn't the tonic, it wasn't the gin,
It wasn't the pint & it wasn't the crisps,
But summat to do with those public school lisps;
We said we were new
Turned out we were old
and so we deserve
our place out in the cold.
Thanks very much for your comments all.If anyone's feeling helpful I've another couplet beginning
They said there was an enemy within -
and I'm not sure of the next line. Summat about Old/New Labour perhaps.
I like this one Ray - caustic humour, black humour, slap stick humour - we've got it all on this site!
Very much appreciate the sentiments of this poem, Ray.
<Deleted User> (7212)
Thu 13th Jan 2011 23:32
Magic ! I doff my cap :)
Well, let's not be koi about it, Plymouth Argyle were never gonna knock Real Madrid off their perch and there's no point carping about it now. It were minnows against sharks and they skated it. Ray
<Deleted User> (7212)
Thu 13th Jan 2011 21:52
Ray - it was the only plaice they'd have him :)
(or maybe that was just a red herring)
and - if Monsieur Foot did not fight in the Spanish Civil War - then where did he get that Donkey Jacket ? answer me that !
(not easy to come by these Spanish fur coats ye know)
I only learned recently that Michael Fish fought in The Cod War.
<Deleted User> (8753)
Thu 13th Jan 2011 17:35
good un, enjoyed
<Deleted User> (7212)
Thu 13th Jan 2011 17:33
Spanish Civil War, eh ?
- takes AllSorts :D (sorry for both)
<Deleted User> (7212)
Thu 13th Jan 2011 17:32
ray - Love it! - excellent. B
yes, Steve - Michael Foot - a leg end in his own lifetime
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Greg Freeman
Mon 17th Jan 2011 14:32
We won't get fooled again, as Pete Townshend said. More in hope than expectation