The Nearly Moon

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I'll watch and I'll stand

and let a passing cloud

hit by moonlight

make a rimmed spectacle

of a distant wait.

 

I'll shift my weight and

I'll blink

and recall wordless

feelings before

I put into words

those useless conditions.

 

It's the words,

with their wanton

un-mouthed ache,

that bleat silently

against the ear

and tangle those

as yet un-marked

and un-surveyed

desires.

Their cerebral

obliterating duster

transforming an

ancient passion
into a smudge. 

 

 

I blink again and return 

to my frosted gate

pausing to catch

a reflection

of the nearly moon

break free from

the hiding clouds-

and for an instant

my feelings,

unwritten,

unspoken,

return.

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Comments

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Tommy Carroll

Thu 30th Dec 2010 15:52

@Cynthia: Thank you for your comment on 'Nearly Moon'. The grammar IS the very thing at issue here. Words encroach, words displace and they do so awkwardly. As you read it the flow of the poem IS jarred as is my 'thinking'. My 'thinking' interferes with my emotions. I'm glad you have noted this Cynthia. :o)
PS a revision.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 30th Dec 2010 13:02

I like this more every time I read it. IMO, I would revisit 'it's those words .... etc.. duster'. The grammar doesn't fit and is therefore a distracting hiccup in a good work.

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Tommy Carroll

Thu 30th Dec 2010 02:16

@Cynthia: The 'nearly' is a representation of the partial physical obliteration by cloud and the diminution by reflection and the feelings that are encroached with the need to formulate a representation -literally-.

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Tommy Carroll

Thu 30th Dec 2010 00:20

@Steve: Thank you for your comment. 'I think therefore I disconnect' You have touched upon this and upon: 'I think, therefore I connect' The difference between 'feeling' and 'thought', sometimes the concious mind elbows out or over the feeling sub-brain. Tommy

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Tommy Carroll

Tue 28th Dec 2010 15:09

@Cynthia: thank you, maybe an explanation is needed.

@Francine: I would be interested in your interpretation of the line.

@Philipos: Thank you for the comments. :o)

Philipos

Mon 27th Dec 2010 21:14

Hi Tommy - I really liked the freeze-framed activity of all this and take on board the comments of others - how about as a suggestion in stanza 1 - turning 'distant wait' into distant eye - just a thought but hey it's your poem

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Francine

Mon 27th Dec 2010 19:35

I love this!
I think it is your best.

Fabulous line...
'transforming an
ancient passion
into a smudge.'

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 27th Dec 2010 15:48

Very lyrical and musical, a gentle veneer over dark ideas 'its cerebral obliterating duster'. The passion of moonlight never dies; although, if just written, the moon is on the wane. I presume the 'nearly moon' is just 'almost full' whether going or coming. Or have I missed a major point? Quite possibly. I really do like this poem, Tommy.

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Tommy Carroll

Sun 26th Dec 2010 13:53

Thanx Win, First draft, so I'll try and explain it.

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winston plowes

Sat 25th Dec 2010 22:22

Tommy, this is wonderful. Flowed beautifully and some great words in there. Not sure on the meaning but liked a lot, right I am going to look at the nearly moon before bed. Win x

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