Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

As Autumn Leaves

They are hoovering the village.

I can hear the distant roar,

As they walk the heavy hosepipe

Up and down the village floor.

 

They are sucking up the leaf drifts

From sycamore and oak,

The matted leaves are treacherous

After a Yorkshire soak.

 

They are clearing out the gutters,

Defoliating drains.

Autumn will be tidied up

Before the winter rains.

 

But in the windy woodlands

The leaves still curl and heap.

They lie in wait for winter snow

To blanket them in sleep.

◄ Amber

Discomposed ►

Comments

Profile image

Julian (Admin)

Mon 4th Apr 2011 11:21

Lovely stuff, there's much hidden beneath those apparently lifeless leaves

<Deleted User> (9186)

Mon 4th Apr 2011 00:05

Greg is right this is a lovely poem Freda - David

Profile image

Greg Freeman

Sat 27th Nov 2010 10:52

I keep reading this poem again and again, Freda. Its simplicity is its strength. Beautiful final two lines.

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 25th Nov 2010 16:24

I do like this, Freda, with its rhyme and metre. Enjoyed 'hoovering the village'. IMO,'to blanket them to sleep' does not use the fresh diction standard set in the first stanza, charming enough, but out of step with the strong imagery prior. I do realize the 'wood' is a kind of 'romantic' world, but fresh verbal ideas still have to describe even that. Perhaps a different approach to 'the leaves of the wood', more mundane - like their decomposition creating new soil, or something like that? Just a thought. The title is ingenious.

<Deleted User> (7164)

Thu 25th Nov 2010 12:42

I agree this is really lovely in imagery and gentle rhyme. That last stanza is super :-)

Profile image

winston plowes

Thu 25th Nov 2010 01:06

Yes, just one word... lovely. Win x

Profile image

Andy N

Wed 24th Nov 2010 08:17

lovely freda... i think you change the beat in the poem just right on the last stanza.. top stuff x

Profile image

Freda Davis

Wed 24th Nov 2010 00:48

Although I did think 'blanket was a bit of a cliche.

Profile image

Freda Davis

Wed 24th Nov 2010 00:46

How right you are Ray. I will remove the extraneous syllable pronto.

Profile image

Ray Miller

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 23:19

It is good, I can imagine the hoover and I like the idea of the woods as a safe haven. For rhythm's sake, should be "defoliating drains" surely.

<Deleted User> (6895)

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 22:35

Lovely Freda-especially the last verse-thank you-Stef.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message