We walked out for our evening meal,

Strolling down the street,

When Bingo!  “Chinese Buffet -

As much as you can eat!”

 

The Happy Hours are 6 till 8

All seven days a week

And only 13 Euros -

It must have been off-peak.

 

The little Beckon-Inner man

Shouts “You come in, come in!”

Then ushers us inside the place,

“Wa yu wan begin?”

 

“Yu go ee as mush yu can;

We ha nice flied lice,

Chow mein and cho' suey.”

We di'n't need telling twice.

 

We started on the pancake rolls

(You've got to make the most!)

Fried prawns with prawn dumplings,

Prawn crackers and prawn toast.

 

Back and forth we made our way;

We saw the waiter glower

But shamelessly we heaped it on,

Foo young with sweet and sour.

 

We caused a bit of washing up

With all this scrummy tuck,

The fifth plate filled with beef fried rice,

The sixth with crispy duck.

 

We kept the kitchens busy,

Staff keen to earn their tips,

One assigned all evening

To frying all our chips.

 

 “We need to be efficient

As best the time affords,”

Says Gert, ”So get the cucumber

To use as greedy boards”.

 

When we piled on plate thirteen

(Pork noodles with cayenne)

The waiters' eyes just said it all-

“Not a-fucking-gain!”

 

We thought this such good value

Before we came to pay

We ought to try the pork szechuan

And the beef satay.

 

Eventually we stopped the feast -

Our Gert had bust her frock

And anyway we said “Fair's fair,

It is now 8 o'clock”.

 

The meal was such good value

(And the price was right)

We thought we'd venture back again

At supper time next night.

 

The little Beckon-Inner man

Ran up to us hot-foot

But not to shout “Come in, come in”

But shout “We're shut, we're shut”.