autumn evening journey

entry picture

a girl in a black jumper
covers her face with her arms
seemingless attempt to mask herself
either from the october cold
or the empty seats inside the restaurant

an empty medicine strip lays on the floor
next to a mercedes
stripped of its hood ornament
like a bald lion...


descending down the stone stairs
its impossible
not to spot three asian stoners
perform alchemy with a marlboro light
crumbling themselves away
their insides escaping
the containment
of the thin paper white tube...


we cling on to red metal poles
and allow white headphone cables
to define us

being caught by a mesh of
multicoloured infinity
as we fall

her sunken face remains.

◄ barbed

weed seeds on a cumtissue ►


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owen calvert

Thu 28th Oct 2010 15:07

eyyup guys thanks for the comments, i'm happy to hear you liked the poem.

the reason for the elipses is because i wrote the poem on my mobile phone and had to make seperate txt drafts, but i see your point steven.

janet - on reflection i think you're right about the lion image. i included it because of the pride involved in having a merc, but maybe taking out the lion bit will make it more powerful. will think about that one, thank you.

cheers winston, i'm glad you enjoyed it! had a midnight poetry reading session?

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Steven Waling

Thu 28th Oct 2010 14:24

I'd probably just get rid of the elipses...

But this is good - spare and precise, and the language exact and unsentimental.

<Deleted User> (7164)

Thu 28th Oct 2010 12:14

Stripped of Summer, being left in the cold, this really feels quite wintry.
Makes me feel like warming it up a little which might well be the intention here.
Not sure of the 'like a bald lion'.
I don't think it needs it but your poem, your choice, I just found it a bit distracting from the image :-)
Descending the stone stairs etc.. is a great stanza and the whole thing is an interesting read with good imagery in my opinion.x

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winston plowes

Thu 28th Oct 2010 00:40

great stuff Owen. enjoyed. Esp 'crumbling themselves away'
and your ending. Win x

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