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vortexing

entry picture

 

Rock’s in profile,

forehead, nose and chin.

Sea’s a mountain,

a cascading avalanche,

white and foamy as milk

boiling in the pan.

Figures on the hill

are warriors.

 

A kestrel hovers as if

hanging on a string

and boulders lie

calm as elephants

upon the sand.

 

Oily grey gull feathers

tell a drab story

of October gales,

fragments of crab shell smashed

delicate as dinner plates.

 

Foam looks dirty in the churning sea

like snow, long fallen.

Children in anoraks and boots,

screams echo, cliff to cliff,

jet black jackdaws saphire eyed

swing, vortexing

above the wave’s crescendo.

 

Everything waits,

catching it's breath,

for winter.

 

 

 

◄ crooked toe

freedom - no such thing ►

Comments

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Andy N

Sun 10th Oct 2010 17:24

Hi Ann - no problems personally with just writing poems that are descriptive than meanings.. A good poem that is descriptive to me does have a meaning, be it different of course.

Either way, I enjoyed this.. I like the fact it is almost a snapshot or a photograph.. top stuff! x

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 10th Oct 2010 06:36

That's what I thought Greg (your last sentence). But I expect I will forget which metaphorcal cupboard I put it in! At least if I leave it here for now I know where it is! ;-)

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Greg Freeman

Sat 9th Oct 2010 22:32

You've got some great observations here, Ann. I envy you for where you live, how you can just go out each day and see so much. But if it was me, maybe I would put these away in a metaphorical cupboard for a while, get them out again in a month or so, shake them up and see how the dust settles on them. You might want to condense and add more. I think that ideally a poem should convey a mood, rather than a message, and take you on a journey that leads to some conclusion. Invariably mine don't pass that test.

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Dave Bradley

Fri 8th Oct 2010 20:08

Yup - the poem somehow conveys a RELISH of what is being seen, which communicates. Lovely.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 8th Oct 2010 19:50

Just a descriptive piece, no message. Does a poem need a message? I would like opinions on this. Sometimes you can just describe a scene - is that enough?

P.S. Ta for spelling error Dave! Have corrected. It's just one of those words!!

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