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Breathing

It’s as easy as breathing, I say

Taking big, bold, billowing breaths

If you let yourself go

In out, in out

(No nasty innuendo please…)

I could do it on a high wire

A pile of plates on my head

Or jumping off a cliff

Elastic band round my ankle

The endomorphins flow

As I blow, blow, blow

I’m a whale

Snorting the salt

On a clear blue sea

Or a dragon,

Flying high

On my own steam

Breathing

 

Then I listen to you wheeze

My consumptive child

Painful and laboured

Lungs racked

Or maybe wrecked

Spitting blood

Where I spit fire

 

I breathe onto the frosted pane

Hoping to see a way through

But the vapour vanishes

And everything’s opaque

Maybe I have a gift

And it’s not so easy

This breathing thing

◄ Biting the Bullet

Deletion ►

Comments

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Val Cook

Thu 9th Sep 2010 20:09

Your composition is excellent Isobel,it identifies and carries through well.But lose that line.
Good work

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Isobel

Mon 6th Sep 2010 06:52

Oh you are naughty, but I like you...

(quoting Dick Emery there - for our younger readers - and you have to imagine a chiffon scarfed man in drag with a strong chin)

<Deleted User> (7212)

Sun 5th Sep 2010 22:16

Hi Isobel - hope you dont mind me lowering the tone (for a change) :)
A girl goes to the doctor.
Big breaths, he says.
Yeth, and I'm only thixteen she lisps.

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Isobel

Sun 5th Sep 2010 20:29

Thanks Cate - you are right about that line - in a poem about kids, it's out of place.

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Cate Greenlees

Sun 5th Sep 2010 19:03

Powerful and very very touching Isobel.It must be every parents nightmare to be in such a situation, you would gladly give your life to change places.
Not sure I like the line "(No nasty innuendo please…)" it seems strangely out of place in a poem of such gravity. The rest though is beautifully written.
Cate xx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 5th Sep 2010 10:29

It's hard to believe you are not writing from hard experience. This is a wonderful poem, simply superb. And trust me, it exemplifies the issue amazingly. My family used to ask: What are you doing? And my answer: I'm enjoying Breath. But I never made it into a poem. Well done!

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Andy N

Sun 5th Sep 2010 10:25

good stuff, Isobel.. Not much to add here to the other comments but on a performance level, you could break it up a bit certainly towards the end perhaps repeat 'it's not so easy' a few times to pace it out a bit, but I did enjoy this (Good to see you have another on the way also - am in the process too of posting another one myself) x

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Isobel

Sun 5th Sep 2010 09:53

Tee hee - I knew someone would level that one at me! I go through phases where I cab't write anything - then bang, I can't stop them coming. I've got another one lined up but it's performance and needs recording.
On the whole my kids are very healthy - but I do know others with asthma. Emotionally kids are always a challenge though.
Thanks for your comments. xx

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Lynn Dye

Sun 5th Sep 2010 09:20

This is really good, Isobel, but like Ann, I do hope this is not written first hand about any of your own children. xx

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Ann Foxglove

Sun 5th Sep 2010 09:12

I love this Isobel - but I hope none of your own children are affected by breathing problems. My partner used to get bad asthma attacks - nothing worse than seeing (and hearing) someone you love fighting for breath! I particularly admire the last few lines. But hey!! You are becoming a bit too prolific on here! I really think you are blogging too much!! ;-) xxxxxx

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Donna Marie Beck

Sun 5th Sep 2010 09:02

Hey Isobel,is this based on your life?
I like how you start off as a powerful creature who is then made vulnerable by the ill chiid.

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