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comet tails

entry picture

 

Home was warm buttery potatoes

a thermometer under the tongue

Lucozade bubbling orange on the bedside table

cream of tomato soup after the doctor’s been.

 

A firework buying expedition

walking through chilly streets with dad

mum left at home.

 

In the shop Brocks’ boxes

blazing black and red and yellow

Jumping Jacks and Catherine Wheels

and Roman Candles

Mount Etna cones waiting for ignition.

Blue touch paper and the future

smell of gunpowder.

 

Next day hunting in the park for broken sticks

knowing they were the tails of comets.

 

 

◄ zooday

visiting connie ►

Comments

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Dali

Sat 11th Sep 2010 08:20

Beautiful and the last two lines are truly special. I have to try and write something like this myself, those things come back to us whenever they want..

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Greg Freeman

Mon 6th Sep 2010 08:39

There were the bangers you ate with the cream of tomato soup - why was it always cream of tomato? - and the bangers that exploded around your feet ...

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 6th Sep 2010 08:20

Thanks Isobel - to me, finding the rocket sticks was exciting not sad, as I could imagine where they'd been, right up in the sky and helping to create all the magic and excitement. Also, they had that lovely burny sulphorous smell. I seem to have described the "before" and the "after" of bonfire night. But, as is so often the case, the before and after are even more exciting than the event! As to Jumping Jacks - speaking as a parent I say "hear hear" but if I was speaking as my childhood self I'd say "what a spoilsport!!" ;-) xx

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Isobel

Sun 5th Sep 2010 21:03

ps Jumping Jacks were down right dangerous, weren't they? Don't think they sell them anymore. Who the hell would want uncontrollable lit gunpowder jumping towards their kids?

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Isobel

Sun 5th Sep 2010 21:01

This is lovely. There is nothing like the childhood expectation before bonfire night and the thrill of the danger. You tie that in neatly with the looking towards the future.

I guess the ending could be seen as a little sad - the future is here and all the explosions over - just burnt out debris left - but that could be me being overly miserable and reading too much into things. That's easily done. x

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 5th Sep 2010 10:18

The last two lines are outstanding. I think every idea of the poem should refer precisely to these final two lines, and support their power.

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Rachel McGladdery

Fri 3rd Sep 2010 13:53

Aww, is that a real pic of you and your mum? Fabulous. I loved the poem too, it's absolutely lovely. Makes me sigh in a nice way xxx

<Deleted User> (7212)

Fri 3rd Sep 2010 08:04

the last two lines gave me shivers (you have written something extraordinary there) - then I read Greg's same comments, so I'm not the only one: Brilliant.

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Ann Foxglove

Fri 3rd Sep 2010 07:08

Thanks Graham and Greg - but now I am confused - don't whether to make two separate poems or add to this one. Oh well! My problem!

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Graham Sherwood

Thu 2nd Sep 2010 22:00

A lovely descriptive Ann. I agree with greg though about the first bit. I'd have liked to have continued reading more like the first verse too.

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Crackling

Thu 2nd Sep 2010 21:42

We had Lucozade, Heinz chicken soup, and fruit - and lots of attention. Memories.

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Greg Freeman

Thu 2nd Sep 2010 20:06

Ah, I see what's going on now! Maybe one day you'll write something about the exploits of your dad in lighting up the world of light entertainment?

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 2nd Sep 2010 18:20

Ta Stef. Hm . . (re photo) - wonder if I thought I was looking in a mirror! ;-)

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 2nd Sep 2010 15:56

Yes Greg - should have been expedition! Thanks! I see what you mean about the first bit. I was originally going to call the poem Mother/Father, contrasting the quiet warm comfort (mum) to the more exciting adventurous (dad). May re-do. Ta again!

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Greg Freeman

Thu 2nd Sep 2010 15:52

I like this, Ann, especially the final two lines, which are excellent. Should "exhibition" be "expedition?" I sort of wonder whether the first verse actually belongs in another poem, and you could write more about the actual firework night?

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 2nd Sep 2010 14:41

Yeh, I know I was a bit young here to go firework shopping - but I like the photo. I have more hair now!

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