I met the darkest queen of deceivers

when I had fooled myself into drinking with you

sidewinding as you did into my privacy

like a desert rattler breaking its sand cover to claim a victim

sly and slippery

and now that my awareness has been fully illuminated

all that I curse myself for

of both love worst and love wanting 

stand arm in arm tweedle dee and tweedledum posers

dancing in the coldest light of all of my days

who the fuck was it that had stamped your right of passage

into my inner sanctuary?

where I had lain down in the most stupidest of all submissions

whoever allowed your clawed hands

to explore the cartography of my flesh

and let you heat seek my chosen to be witheld desires

who now wont let me rewind back through

the closing hourglass of the past

how I wish that my conception had been denied

but had I been blessed with both ironclad foresight and hindsight

I could have ambushed your beginning

as it grew to stake its claim on the ownership of myself

so that before you had pressed

the destroying button of your determination to fuck my life up

I could have jumped the starting pistol and gone on ahead

waiting for you to cross the line 

and slammed the door of square one

in your supercilious over the top assured face