(There's a bit of skipping on the audio towards the end; not enough to detract from my dark brown tones)

 

Castleford’s Alfie is one of a kind

A more affable Alf it’d be hard to find

But Alfie won’t hold back from speaking his mind

That “kennel life is such a drag, mate”

Says Alfie the Property Magnate.

 

Of course he’s the owner of his detached home

Which didn’t need Alfie to take out a loan

And whilst he would never complain or would moan

He’s not the type who would stagnate

Cos Alfie’s a Property Magnate.

 

So when Sam his mother construed of a plan

To tow with her car a two-berth caravan

He barked his approval as only Alf can

And moved in as Sam’s landlord flat mate

His start as a Property Magnate.

 

But once on the ladder Alf’s not satisfied

Deciding to cast his portfolio wide

And moved in with me and Our Gert to provide

New boundaries to his estate

Befitting a Property Magnate.

 

And then when we purchased a new mobile home

Alfie moved in here because it’s his own

He knows we’re just tenants and it’s his alone

Unfazed by exorbitant bank rates

He moves on as a Property Magnate.

 

With eating and sleeping it’s now his career

And not just in properties local to here

But Alfie confides that his next big idea

Extends to plots outside his homeland

He’s planning on invading Poland.