Last night you appeared in my dreams.

Back when we still spoke before you died.

And you were sat there at Cathy’s crying.

“Nobody cares, nobody cares.

If I dropped drop dead tomorrow”,

 

Blindfold at the edge of the water

Over and over absently to yourself

Carrying your washing to your ex’s

And a peddle in your tongue.

When I told you I thought you had Diabetes.

 

“I don’t have it” You stumbled in reply

Swinging from a two-litre of Pepsi

Barely able to face me directly in the face

Even after you, I showed you

Your blood sugars were too high.

 

Looking back now I think you had it

Probably before I got it in 2011.

and by the time we got persuaded you

to finally go to the doctors

the damage had been done.

 

Looking back now, I thought you were

On borrowed time after we fell out

And when me and Amanda saw you

The month before you passed away.

It was obvious you didn’t have long.

 

Six heart attacks one after the other

I heard the day after you passed away.

Dying within just a few minutes

A striped tent in a field turned inside out.

Left face up towards the skies.

 

Six heart attacks, I was told after,

When you wouldn’t listen to people

Waking me up at 4 a.m.

A catalyst of conflicting emotions

Over a friendship long since passed,

 

Substituting memories

Into a theological absurdity

As if he was trying to kill himself

And put his foot through the door

Rather than face what awaited him,

 

Sharpening an emotional blade

Right from when he found out

He would have to change everything

Instead of just looking over the balcony

And take control of his life.