Time 

A precious gift 
Your choice is how you spend it 
Loving others, or yourself 
A difficult thing to achieve both 
when it is limited 

Investing in a future self that may never arrive 
I do not even feel alive
I am breathing, speaking, running out of words
running out of breath
What is left

I am sinking 
My legs are tired 
I have struggled for a while 
struggled with a smile 
The tears are catching up

Guilt. 

I want to make everyone happy 
You cannot make everyone happy 

I am sinking 
Overthinking 
zoning out I'm barely blinking
Why is disassociating 
becoming my form of coping 

I know
It is easier to escape my body
than to feel the concrete dry around me 

Disappointed. 

I cannot expect them to know or understand fully 
that I am trying as hard as I can 
to be the person they need me to be 
The person I need me to be 

I am sorry
I seem to have lost parts of me along the way 
I am just trying to get through the rubble 
without sinking into it 
The only way out is through it 

But my word is it heavy 
I am sorry if I have run out of "this is temporaries" 
I am sorry that time with me is as rare as can be 
I feel it too, trust me 
The lack of me 

I do believe the missing pieces can be found 
along with new ones I find on the ground 
Through the sacrifices there is growth 
Heavy now but full of hope 

Of a future self to thank this one 
for not sinking 
I hope I make her proud when that day comes. 

Robyn Holmes 
thoughts from the cocoon