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September Sunset

Golden windows
And golden walls. 
Silver back surfers
Riding through the fall. 
I'm here waiting 
Comiserating-
Why can't I stay in the Golden halls?

The trees are embers. 
There are apples on the floor.
I get the feeling 
death is at my door.  
wish I could stay in the golden halls. 

The golden halls. 
The golden halls. 
Wish I could stay in the golden halls.


This is about the feeling you get during a September sunset, and you know a long winter is just around the corner. Sending lots of love to my fellow S. A. D. sufferers <3

It's a touch repetitive which I hoped would convey a sense of rumination. Just like the days are getting shorter, each part is shorter than the last.

This is my first attempt at writing a poem and feedback is welcome, just be KIND!

seasonsautumnwintermentalHealth

Comments

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John Gilbert Ellis

Wed 13th Sep 2023 14:24

Like that. Intrigued by the line 'silver back surfers riding through the fall' and what you had in mind.

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Hélène

Mon 11th Sep 2023 17:26

Good job Doran! The poem has a nice rhythm. I particularly liked the lines:
"The trees are embers.
There are apples on the floor.
I get the feeling
death is at my door."

Excellent imagery in those lines. (Eg Things are dying and falling down, the poet has no energy to pick up the apples. Many can relate to that emotion I think). Keep on writing!

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