Climb aboard this Green Line bus to Windsor

Great Grandad is at the wheel

He drove the same bus every day in the 1940s and 50s

Smog and cityscape gradually replacing the Kent and Sussex countryside

Walked home alone at 1am from where he left his bus at Woodbury Park Road in Tunbridge Wells

only to return a few hours later to begin the day’s service

There and back, there and back, there and back

 

Grandad (his son) was told not to learn to drive

Mum (his daughter) was too nervous to learn to drive

Me and Mum got the Maidstone and District bus everywhere

Paid a flat fare for the Wonderbus ticket. Got off and on wherever we liked

Travelled to different counties in a day, no more than five but more than three

Still be at home in time for tea. Wonderbus wanderlust

Always went to the upper deck of the double decker

Sat at the front seat on the right as that’s where was a thing of great wonder for me: the periscope

 

Day tripping with Mum, I was on a submarine

Intrigued by this rudimentary machine

where I was never quite sure if I was seen or not seen

I can still recall my fascination of the periscope

rather than name all the places I had been

 

The periscope - reflection and mirrors 

Great grandad keeping one eye on his passengers

Those lads at the back of the bus upper deck having a smoke

Peer down the periscope from my seat and sometimes you see the driver

If he looks up, game over

 

Year later, I realised I enjoyed looking at men

Life for me then was a periscope and I was the driver

I got very clever. Very clever at seeing without being seen

Aged 16. Sweating on a hot day in Dad’s car whilst stuck in a traffic jam

‘Who’s gonna wanna look at you?, said Dad as I contemplated taking my shirt off

Though self-conscious of my puppy fat, there were moments when I wanted to be seen

Seen as me, queer and visible

To be both the driver and the passenger

Never think twice about taking my shirt off

I remember playing with the periscope

Kissing a boyfriend at the back of the upper deck

Driver, glance up the periscope all you like