Something "safe" to appease the censors.

 

I was surfing the channels of late night TV

But none of the channels for “adults” were free

There seemed nothing else that’s of interest to me

So I thought I might give a bash

To an half hour of Bangers and Cash.

 

For those unfamiliar this is the tale.

The programme is set in Thornton le Dale

Where auctioneers Mathewson’s offer for sale

To bidders from near and afar

A range of unusual cars.

 

There’s marques of prestige which at one time had sped

Through quiet country lanes driven by the well bred

But conversely old bangers that’s stood in a shed

That Derek considers a “find” –

His boys think he’s out of his mind!

 

He’ll stroke the patina of some vintage truck

And coos that “It’s lovely” with a faraway look

But equally round some old rust-bucket clucks

Like a proud and an old mother hen

“You’ll never get this chance again”

 

“So why do we do it?” “We do it for love”.

That’s Mathewson’s motto, says Derek the Guv

But when dead cars arrive and they need a good shove

To push the brutes into the ‘pound

Then Derek’s nowhere to be found!

 

The cast is completed with sons Dave and Paul

But make no mistake Sarah bosses them all

But once bidding starts in the old village hall

Her influence starts to unravel

Once Derek gets hold of the gavel.

 

“Lot 9 and it’s lovely, this blue Chevrolet

“Who’ll start me off with a thousand?”, he’ll say

But bidding is stalling, much to his dismay;

The punters have all lost their nerve

It hasn’t reached its reserve.

 

It might be a Roller or similar name

Or old Beezer Bantam that’s limping and lame

But Mathewson’s passion is always the same;

Just watch it and you’ll see it’s true –

They really do love what they do.

 

If while surfing the channels your fingers should stray

And you’re finding most programmes to be dull and grey

Search for the channel that’s called “Yesterday”

And if Top Gear you find a bit flash

Why not try Bangers and Cash?