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The life of a teen

At this very moment I’m an 18 year old, from Denmark. I don’t have much idea of who I am, but as many scientists state, my brain is still under development, so I choose to believe it’s okay. I don’t really have hobby hobby, but I enjoy trying new things, and have periods of times, where I’m fixated on a certain thing and will be doing that, until I’m tired of it. It has been painting, drawing, gymnastics, cheerleading, reading and watching certain genres of movies or tv-shows. I like to believe I’m friendly and nice to be around.I always try my best to make people feel comfortable when they are with me, even though I still feel urges to be an asshole or cut people of. Many would probably call me a people pleaser, which I will not deny, but I have a fear of people hating and leaving me. My childhood hasn’t been an ideal one, which is probably one of the reasons of why I’m so accepting and let people have the space they need, even if it means taking my space. I was mainly raised by my mom, since my dad is an addict and not very reliable, this doesn’t mean I hate him, cause I don’t. I care about him a lot, likeso my mom, she has flaws and doesn’t always do the right thing, but she’s always trying. I have two siblings as well, we’re all a little roughed up, from our uprising, but we are trying our best as well. 

 

I see myself as a free spirited person, I don’t really like to stay within the rules, not that I’m “rebellious” it’s more that I don’t see the meaning of certain rules or norms. I like to dress the way I want and wear whatever make up, jewelry and accessories I’d like even if people will think I’m weird. It’s not like I’m crazy confident or anything like that, and I do feel crap about myself most of the time, but I still wanna leave an impression on people, be remembered. I don’t like the thought of disappearing. I wanna be written down in history, be grant. I know I have extreme fantasies, but I think that’s a necessity to become someone, because who is a person without a dream. I often act as if I have it all figured out but in truth I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going, some nights I’m not even sure I’ll make it. I’ve been battling depression for a long time now, so it has become a part of my life, a part of my identity in my eyes. I don’t always have the energy or motivation to do the things I love, such as painting and going out with my friends, but I try to keep pressing, I guess that makes me somewhat of a fighter.  

 

But all in all I have no clue who I am or who I’m gonna be, I don’t know what gender I am. I say I’m pansexual, but I’m not sure if that’s correct either. I don’t know if I’m asexual. I don’t know if I’ll be here next year. I don’t know if I have ever truly loved someone. 

 

I don’t know a lot of stuff, all I know is that I am here now. 

 

 

mentalhealthlifedoyouknowwhoaregrowingup

Comments

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keith jeffries

Tue 16th Aug 2022 09:21

Good Morning Ez,

I read with interest your personal profile which is both honest and interesting. As someone far advanced in age than yourself I found your last paragraph most interesting as self discovery is vital in all our development. It is knowing who we are first and foremost then moving out into the world and experiencing life. Self discovery has to be an honest process. I look forward to reading some of you poetry or prose in the weeks and months to come
Thank you
Keith

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