Saint Rigobert's Graveyard (Grimstone Low)

Saint Rigobert’s Graveyard (Grimstone Low)


It’s hard to imagine Saint rigobert’s graveyard

If you don’t come from Grimstone Low

It’s a glorious site overlooking the village

With views of the cesspits below


As you meander up Dead Donkey meadow

On the footpath from Lynch Mob’s Birch

You arrive at a quaint little lychgate

The back entrance into the church


Then… avoiding the dog shit and condoms

And ducking your head as you enter

Saint Rigobert’s Graveyard’s the heart of the village

You could say it’s the dead centre


It’s a haven of peaceful tranquillity

Where Jasmine’s sweet scent fills the air

Uncle Tosh had a word with the vicar

To have Aunt Clarabelle buried there


Aunt Clarabelle always loved Saint Rigobert’s

It’s where she went for a knit and a natter

Tosh wanted her buried in sight of the church

So he asked t’vicar to settle the matter


Now this new vicar was a neurotic type

Who broke out in a fit of hysteria

Saying… “we can’t bury Clarabelle here at Saint Rigobert’s”

“She hasn’t met certain criteria”


“Certain criteria” thought our Uncle Tosh

Not grasping quite what he meant

Cos although Clarabelle never went to church often

When she did… that’s the one…. Where she went


“Certain criteria” thought our Uncle Tosh

Thinking… is it because they weren’t wed

Or cos Clarabelle last dealt with the vicar

When he caught her on t’roof nickin’ t’lead


But despite her faults, Clarabelle was a Christian

So it upset Uncle Tosh somewhat

To think that this upstart of a vicar

Won’t bury her… in his chosen plot


So he lowered himsen to try bribing the vicar

He took out his chequebook and pen

Then he also bunged him a fiver… saying

“Eeer…. keep this for tissen”


But the vicar was quite unrepentant

He looked at Tosh and he said

“We can’t bury Clarabelle here at Saint Rigobert’s”

“At least not yet….. She’s not dead”


Army Factory or Pit ►


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kJ Walker

Sun 3rd Jul 2022 09:17

Thank you John it's based on a joke mi dad used to tell.
He'd say that the graveyard was the dead center of the village, and that people were dying to get in there.

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John Botterill

Thu 30th Jun 2022 20:49

Hilarious poem. A classic narrative poem capturing the local culture, Kj 😂

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kJ Walker

Mon 27th Jun 2022 18:35

Thank you Stephen, Stephen and John.
Yes John I'll be doing this one at the next Well Spoken.
Someone's got to lower the tone.

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John Coopey

Mon 27th Jun 2022 10:26

Nearly missed this one,Kev, as we are on hols. Are you giving it a go at the next Well Spoken?

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Stephen Atkinson

Sun 26th Jun 2022 22:04

Superb 😆

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Stephen Gospage

Sun 26th Jun 2022 17:00

Nice pay off, KJ. I reckon a tenner might have done it.

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