And why are you still in my head?
In my chest,
In my soul?
Engulfed by disdain, disgust and love.
And I am so lone.
In the middle of Oxford Street crowds
I want your advice that never helped
I want your forehead kisses that I rejected.
Longing for you on dark silent nights.
To debate: am I ever truly alone?
Or does your phantomlike presence ignite and guide me?
These are moments of the past I dwell on...
Or live by as one does by the Bible?
With him I wrote down memories to ensure I don't forget,
No need to do that with us --
They will always be in my cortex.
Lost phones, stolen photos, deleted texts and blocked...
Does not alter the essense of us. Of love.
And to this day,
A long time since,
I still question the depth and sincerity of my feelings for you.
I tell them, and I told you:
"It was never love".
But in my head I turn around and laugh
At this lie.
Am I really here alone tonight?