And why?

And why are you still in my head? 

In my chest,

In my soul?

Engulfed by disdain, disgust and love.

And I am so lone.

 

In the middle of Oxford Street crowds

I want your advice that never helped

I want your forehead kisses that I rejected.

Longing for you on dark silent nights.

 

To debate: am I ever truly alone?

Or does your phantomlike presence ignite and guide me?

These are moments of the past I dwell on... 

Or live by as one does by the Bible?

 

With him I wrote down memories to ensure I don't forget,

No need to do that with us --

They will always be in my cortex.

Lost phones, stolen photos, deleted texts and blocked...

Does not alter the essense of us. Of love.

 

And to this day,

A long time since,

I still question the depth and sincerity of my feelings for you.

I tell them, and I told you:

"It was never love".

But in my head I turn around and laugh 

At this lie.

 

 Am I really here alone tonight?