A re-work of a classic by the incomparable George Formby and set in the context of Doncaster's Well Spoken Open Mic.

 

Now I know I’m not handsome nor ever used to be

But the girls I try to catch my eye would not look twice at me;

But I know ugly fellas that the women seem to woo

There’s Kevin and Mick Jenkinson to single out just two.

And if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?

I’d pimples on a spotty face

And trousers XOS to stretch around my waist.

But if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me, hey hey,

Why don’t women like me?

 

Now I went into Donny to Well Spoken’s Open Mic

And saw a range of tottie there that I could get to like;

I tried my luck at chatting up and then began to flirt

But no-one took their beady eyes off Kevin and his shirt.

And if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me?

And then there’s that Mick Jenkinson,

A face to scare his grandkids with and make them run.

And what about young Pettinger?

Who tickles ladies with his beard just for fun.

But if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me, hey hey,

Why don’t women like me?

 

But whisper this and keep it hush

I’ve got some stuff to make the little ladies blush;

If girls just knew what I can do

I use it as a rule and lick my eyebrows too

But if women like them like men like those

Why don’t women like me, hey hey,

Why don’t women like me?