All agents are currently busy, assisting other callers
who are more important than you.
Please stay on the line until a customer service representative
finishes their tuna sandwich and comes back from the break room.
The service rep is a highly qualified individual, who is also a grade school graduate
and thus able to read and write at minimal level.
She or He or It will be glad to assist you.   The wait time is usually 2 days.
Or...you can use our nifty automated system which is even slower
but it does give you time to go to the store, do a load of laundry, and mow your yard
without missing your turn in line.
In the meantime, listen to this song.
It will repeat over and over again until it drives you stark raving crazy.
It's our way of culling unwelcome customers.

We segregate all callers according to race, gender and eye-color.
Unfortunately Your description did not fit any of our guidelines.
Thank you for calling and have a great day.
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Our Agents are currently busy...