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Last Monday when lockdown eased we were first out of the blocks to whisk our caravan off to Bridlington.  Being there was nice but driving there was even more fun.


You folks are always putting me down (down, down)

You say you think I drive like a clown;

It’s fair to say you’re no fan

When you’re stuck behind my caravan.

Tough shit! For now, I’m Leader of the Pack.


I puther on at 50 an hour

Which makes that prat who drives a Porsche glower

He thinks I drive like his gran

He’s stuck behind my caravan

Sod him! For now, I’m Leader of the Pack.


Then one that’s not so bright

Takes a chance and he thinks he might

Try to jump me at the traffic lights

Don’t do it!  Don’t do it! Don’t do it!


There’s no appeal for me in the “ton” (none, none)

I find that driving slowly’s more fun

In my mirror I see my tail

Drivers rant and drivers rail

I’m driving sedately.  I’m Leader of the Pack


There’s always one behind who’ll tend

To take a risk at his wit’s end

And try to pass before the bend

Don’t do it!  Don’t do it! Don’t do it!


Dual carriageways let some overtake

Who give the finger or their fists shake

When it reverts to single lane

For those further back it’s all in vain

The order’s restored – I’m Leader of the Pack.




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John Coopey

Tue 20th Apr 2021 17:56

It does surprise me that old gits like me are allowed to lug a ton of metal behind another ton of metal at 60mph without the need for any training or testing. In practice, though, my 20’ caravan is more manageable than my 3’ by 4’ trailer.

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M.C. Newberry

Tue 20th Apr 2021 14:50

JC - perhaps the number of serious-to-fatal road accidents involving lorries might be reduced. That alone would be a good thing. I've
lost count of the number of motor accident reports that involve
heavy goods vehicles on UK roads when they DO reach the press.
Their drivers - unlike those they "meet" - usually escape any sort
of life-threatening injury; and I've driven enough miles on the roads
to witness the sort of driving indulged in during busy daytime hours,
some of it cold-sweat stuff - like a bully barging his way impatiently
through smaller folk. At least caravan drivers usually maintain a
nearside lane discipline that keeps traffic moving along free from
immediate risk to others when they do venture on to the highways
- usually, it seems, for holiday purposes. Toot...toot !

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John Coopey

Tue 20th Apr 2021 09:57

I mean “our selling” - the lesser spotted, three-toed gerund strikes again.
I am trying out “Bill Brown’s body lies a-turning in his grave” but at the moment it’s all a bit forced.

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John Coopey

Tue 20th Apr 2021 09:40

Always happy to stretch the envelope, Greg. What’s your take us selling our souls to Mammon?

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Greg Freeman

Tue 20th Apr 2021 09:26

This was once one of my favourite pop songs, John. Until minutes ago, in fact.

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John Coopey

Mon 19th Apr 2021 23:32

Would they pollute less when it’s dark, MC?
Thanks for the Likes, Holden and Aviva.

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M.C. Newberry

Mon 19th Apr 2021 23:07

Personally, I think that towed caravans should be restricted to night time hours - say: 11.30pm - 7am. And you can add most of the
polluting accident-causing HGVs to that arrangement. 😉.

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John Coopey

Mon 19th Apr 2021 19:31

It is a perverse enjoyment, Stephen, but I love it! And thanks for the Like, Philipos and Jordyn.

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Stephen Gospage

Mon 19th Apr 2021 17:45

Sounds like a great drive, John. Oh, the satisfaction of it! I generally slow down a bit if they get too stroppy behind.

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