THE BITTERNESS OF SINGLETON CITY

Being single is shit, in every miniscule way,
I even miss the bad stuff in boyfriends, like him farting and pushing my head under the duvet.

Weekends are the worst, Sunday mornings together having a snooze,
no longer feeling his hard-on from behind, no longer feeling his premature ooze.

So I gorge on greasy pizza's, thinking "F*** it, I may as well eat the lot",
Im crying out of self pitty, so I reach for some dirty knickers to wipe away the snot.

When im horny, I reach for the draw, the rabbit keeps things flowing,
Durasel batteries are expensive, but luckily they keep on going and going and going.

Single life is shit, ticking that marital status box is a dread,
'cuz now I feel like a spinster, I think Id rather tick that widowed box instead.

Dating is a nightmare, they have turned into interviews,
quick fire questions, do you fit the criteria? Come on just break the bad news.

For my last date was gay, Christ what a night, he was just trying to prove himself straight.
He asked me if I had any gay experiances, I asked him and he said " Yes, Ive had eight!"

Being single is shit, Friday nights my sheets are no longer wet,
Ive started scrolling my phone for names, scraping the barrel of what I could get.

But I dont fancy any of them, so all I except is a Facebook poke.
Maybe one day Ill feel the weight of a handsome funny young bloke.

But for now Ill stay bitter and shout "Get a room!!" to those F***sticks who all snog in the street,
and just to let you know, Ill date any starsign except Gemini's who all patronise, lie and cheat.