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TO BE A VOLUNTEER

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I saw the call for volunteers and thought I’d do my bit

By taking out food parcels for old biddies and old gits.

I drove my van to Asda and then loaded orders on;

In some were cans of lager so I helped myself to one.

The first old bloke just moaned at me and said that I was late

So when he went back in his house I pissed upon his gate.

The next old skank complained a lot her bread and grapes were crushed

On and on she blathered so I smacked her in the mush.

My last drop-off was gardening – he moaned he’d overpaid

“Chunter, fucking chunter”, so I hit him with his spade.

 

I don’t expect an MBE for work I’ve done this year

The work itself’s its own reward –

            To be a volunteer.

◄ COVID CLOTHES BLUES

THE RED LADY OF PAVILAND ►

Comments

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kJ Walker

Sun 21st Feb 2021 08:13

I'm sure that if you haven't already got your MBE it's an oversight and you'll be on the honours list for the new year.
Your actions towards these old codgers were totally justified, and nobody in their right mind would blame you.
But just remember John, you will be old yourself one day. I know it's hard to imagine right now, as it's such a long way off.

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John Coopey

Sat 13th Feb 2021 20:22

Thankyou, Branwell and MC.
I confess that I am such a volunteer and it is, of course, tongue-in-cheek. But you can’t be too careful with the Thought Police who may censor me for inciting people to smack pensioners with a spade in their garden.
And thanks for the Like, Brian, Aisha and Holden.

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branwell kent

Sat 13th Feb 2021 19:45

funny poem

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M.C. Newberry

Sat 13th Feb 2021 17:41

Shades of a UK Tom Lehrer - and deliciously enjoyable for that reason. ?

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