Angel on Horseback

    ANGEL ON HORSEBACK

She rides the chestnut stallion
Along the golden sands.
She portrays a freedom
Devoid of wedding bands,
Or any restrictions to be put
On one so young and fair.
He watches closely from the dunes,
Happy to see her there. 

Catching his breath, this is the girl
Whose beauty invaded his dreams.
He’d seen her dancing in shallow waves,
Heedless of sea-spray on her jeans.

He wonders if she is really so free
Or is it just an illusion?
Almost spiritual, angel on horseback
Or maybe a cruel twist of vision.
Would she conjure up the same image
If she became his by and by?
Would her essence remain as magical?
Well, doesn’t he just have to try?

Cantering along at the water’s edge,
Her hair flowing behind like a flame,
Mirroring her companion’s tail,
Her hands in his copper mane.
Together they slow and come to a halt,
With no effort she turns the beast round.
Moving as one they trot to the dunes,
A soft whinny is the only sound.

As they approach him now at a walk,
She brushes blonde hair from blue eyes.
He gets to his feet and says, “Hi again!”
She says, “Were there other hi’s?”
As the girl and horse continue on
She leaves him with a smile.
Well, he did look kind of cute,
And she rather liked his style…

I Thought Of You ►

Comments

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Lynn Dye

Sat 29th May 2010 20:49

Lol Stefan, thanks for commenting - I only just realised how to blog!!

Anthony, I think you are right, thanks for the advice, I shall have a re-think.

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Anthony Emmerson

Sat 29th May 2010 15:03

Hi Lynn,

I wanted to say that I like the picture you paint here. I like her cheekiness -

"Were there other hi's?"

You might wish to consider a couple of things which jarred a little:

"Oblivious to wetting her jeans."

Although your readers will understand exactly what you mean, there is a subconscious subtext with this line! Perhaps consider phrasing it a little differently? Say something like "seaspray on her jeans?"

The other line which seems a little incongruous is:


"Her hands in his copper fur."

I think you'll probably know where I'm coming from! Maybe you could rearrange your rhyme scheme to enable you to change it to "hair" or "mane"?

These are simply observations - it's your poem, your words and if you are happy with them then that's all that really matters!

Regards,
A.E.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Sat 29th May 2010 11:00

Good morning Lynn.Can,t stop-just on my way-for horse riding lessons! lol! lovely poem-thanks-Stefan.x

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