Before you read this one I will just say i loved my Mum.I know alcoholism is an addiction. She also suffered from severe depression and died from Asphixia 1989. I'm not saying I'm a victim of any neglect at all and at the time I didnt know any different. It was normal. But it's made me who I am today so no regrets.. But i wont be the first or last kid to grow up like this .. ❤❤

I wish I had a memory.
From when I was a kid.
But all that I am left with
Is all the bad u did.

I had no love.
Well not from you.
You being drunk is all I knew.

I'm home from school.
You wasn't there.
If you were
You didnt care.

You didnt know me.
You'd forget my name.
I'd walk past the neighbours.
Head low in shame.

From when I was six
I relied on my Dad.
But He worked away.
A sister I had.

Dad tried his hardest.
He coped with it well.
We all pulled together.
To work through the hell.

I used to go hungry.
No clothes on my back.
I'd cook for myself.
Eat Noodles and snacks.

The house would be messy.
Stale smell in the Air.
The school would soon notice
That I wasnt there.

I'd pick up your Glass.
Half full of Gin.
I'd empty it out.
Put the Bottle in the Bin.

I wished you had loved me.
Like any mum should.
Read me a story.
Made camps out of wood.

Had a trip to the Beach.
Or A walk in the Park.
Not find you Drunk
Asleep in the Dark.

I was 10 years old.
When you went to Bed.
I Kissed you Goodnight
Face cold...You were Dead.

It scarred me forever.
That Image is stuck.
Why did you drink Mum?
Not give a Fuck.

Thirty years later.
I've kids of my own.
Happily Married.
A hardworking Home..

The life that I had.
Was FAR FAR from good.
But it made me stronger.
It probably would.

I think you'd be proud Mum.
I wish you could see.
The Mum that I am.
The Mum I wished you could be. .


Karen Megson

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June 2020