I had an argument today (I’m quite a bolshie sod)

And one I knew I couldn’t win – an argument with God.

I know he is the Father of All Creatures Great and Small

And has no favourites in between; He loves them one and all.

And I had cruelly murdered one.  No question, it was dead.

I’d panicked when I’d seen it there – a spider in my bed.

I pleaded mitigation, “It's just an arthropod.

And it was crawling in my bed.  I'm scarcely Sweeney Todd".

Try not to be judgemental as I stand in your disgrace”.

He never uttered but one word but glared with frozen face.

I rattled off excuses so that none I left unsaid

But still his silence warned me of the consequence ahead.

A fearful and foreboding silence I would ruminate

Through night times on the sentence that awaits at future date.

But now a thought’s occurred to me which I take on the chin,

I think that’s why he gave us wives  -

                                                            To get some practice in.