I'm large, gingery, whiskery, muscular, agile and ever resourceful

but definitely never been a cuddly calendar cat.

Not even outwardly respectable like my ancestor

being seen to hunt,forage, steal and scrounge

for myself and the motley feline crew where I'm Top Cat.

 

Of my nine lives, forfeited three at least;

cornered by a canine fiend in Boxer shape.

I bear the scars still but he has only one good eye!

Kicked off a luxury yacht when found dozing on deck

as the owner was allergic! So am I, to owners.

Ignominiously saved, ( 'poor pussy', indeed!) by kids in a canoe.

Uncharitably harpooned by an irate diver

as I scarpered with his biggest catch.

Lame for weeks, but the banquet was worth it.

 

We live contentedly under the oleanders in summer,

various females, assorted kittens, (several gingery!)

my best loyal comrades,Lucifer, Patch, Bandit and Zorro.

In winter, under an ancient, upturned unused boat,

accepted and even perhaps welcomed

as expert mousers and ratcatchers.

 

Trouble arrived from Florence one night in a cat carrier

with his besotted holiday-maker family.

Soft white fluffy fur, and so named Snowflake!!!

Abnormally large green eyes and a jewelled green collar to match,

which no self-respecting male  would put up with.

He would sun himself on the wide balustrade

languidly licking a pink padded paw.

Swiping  bravely at butterflies, but cravenly avoiding the gulls,

looking pityingly down his snub nose at us free felines below.

 

After a week of his unbearable arrogance

I galvanized the gang to take cat action,

and we prepared a roof ambush behind the chimney.

That night rang with yowls, howls, wails and caterwauls,

then a dull thud as he fell into a litter bin!

Next day he discreetly departed after a vet's visit,

one eye closed, tail crooked, a chunk of one ear missing,

showing various red hairless patches,

but the worst injury was the indignity of it!

 

I rounded up my fighting ferals,( FF army) for a suitable celebration

(which meant a successful raid on restaurant dustbins).

The local motley crew had made their point,..

 

They won't take him on holiday again!