Cynthia Buell Thomas

flashback

by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sunday 2nd May 2010 2:23 pm (first posted Thursday 22nd April 2010 2:53 pm)

flashback

for six days

the sky breathed

naturally

serenely blue

washed with dimpled sunshine

dappled clouds of long ago

whimsy on lazy wind

eye comfortable

content to be weather vanes

too soon

giant jets

score the atmosphere with carbon plumes

criss-crossing tic-tac-toe

skewed by schedules

and altitudes

heavy metal global bound

wounding glorious sunsets

like truculent children

scribbling on ancient canvases

peace denied

modernity re-defining

outscapes

and inscapes

airspace refugees dribble home

Cynthia Buell Thomas

◄ Old Woman Waiting for a Bus II

Bedroom Games ►

Comments

Lynn Dye

Sun 9th May 2010 22:23

I really love this poem. This was the first I read when I joined this site last week, and has encouraged me to try new styles.

Antony Owen

Sat 24th Apr 2010 08:01

Hi Cynthia

'YES'

Rachel Bond

Fri 23rd Apr 2010 18:24

great poem.

like truculent children
scribbling on ancient canvases.

strong image.

outscapes and inscapes...like it xx

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Fri 23rd Apr 2010 11:31

Thank you, everyone, so much. Antony, you are spot on, especially about 'skies serenely blue'. I considered it, and decided that the words so 'reeked of unoriginal' writing that it was, perhaps, congruous with the idea of 'flashback'.
I have done much further editting. I likely won't be so quick to post immediate effort again, because I do like polished work.

Antony Owen

Fri 23rd Apr 2010 09:17

Strong opening four lines. I like your poetry when the lines ar emore concrete because the images are more striking. This has an occasional confident voice with some good lines like content to be weather vanes, dimpled sunshine, skewed by schedules,cloudscapes

skyscapes

and inscapes

Concrete images (for me anyway) are strong with the preceding introduction to them, they can't just be quoted and you have the ability to do them.

Where the poem suffers for me is when i read a line like ...in a sky serenely blue because that is too weak a conclusion for what is mostly a strong stanza.

Keep drafting this out because its as contemporary a poem topic can be and with some fluidity and line reduction this could be punchy.

Remember only show us what we don't know, you've done that really well for the most part with the way you've constructed the tighter images.

Andy N

Fri 23rd Apr 2010 08:13

i like this cynthia.. the title is certainly a dragger in and i love the use of short short sentences.. nice one! x

<Deleted User> (7790)

Thu 22nd Apr 2010 22:39

Love it! You've caught the moment so beautifully. Eyes as weathervanes is wonderful! Then the plunge into truculence and wounding noise again. Bravo! xx

Francine

Thu 22nd Apr 2010 20:44

First of all, I must say that I love the title - I love the word 'Flashback' and the meaning behind it. I can visualise clearly what you are saying, and I like the fact that I can insert my own memories and thoughts into this...

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 22nd Apr 2010 14:54

I may regret this tomorrow; but here it is today, a brand new effort as of this afternoon. It was simmering behind my eyes for days.

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