GREEN

First date.

Instant spark.

Called you

obscenity as

term endearment.

‘Don’t shag,

first date’,

you said.

You let

that kiss

turn snog

linger linger

longer than

any shag

I’d had.

Invite you

to my

shows. You

come. I

act dumb

around you.

Like you

just some

bloke I

know. All

I wanted

was you.

Everybody el...

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‘A right piece of work’, so the story goes

that’s what Mum said or the truth she chose

about Mrs Jeffreys of Tunbridge Wells 

Mum’s great aunty, her Aunty Rose

Despite her rather dowdy clothes

and crooked teeth and her wonky nose

My great great aunty, Aunty Rose

looked rather sweet in old photos

Like parents, both tight so and so’s

My great great aunty, A...

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Don’t lock yourself!

Don’t lock yourself!

Don’t lock yourself!

Don’t lock yourself!

The lock is broken!

Don’t mock yourself!

Don’t knock yourself!

Shake up yourself!

Wake up yourself!

Wake the unwoken!

Don’t lock yourself!

Unblock yourself!

Unlock yourself

and shock yourself!

Speak,be outspoken!

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JEREMY HUNT

MY DATE IS OUT THE FRONT

MY DATE IS OUT THE FRONT

I’M GONNA TAKE A PUNT

I’M GONNA TAKE A PUNT

I’M GONNA TAKE A PUNT

I’M GONNA TAKE A PUNT

CALL HIM RIGHT JEREMY HUNT

CALL HIM RIGHT JEREMY HUNT

CALLED HIM A JEREMY HUNT

CALLED HIM A JEREMY HUNT

WAS OUR DATE UP THE SHUNT?

WAS OUR DATE UP THE SHUNT?

WAS OUR DATE UP THE SHUNT?

WAS...

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BEAST

There’s a beast in me, it’s lurking

It don’t make any sense

He comes out when I least expect it

He’s watching through the fence

The beast brings out this side of me

that likes to cause offence

I tried to beat him out of me

but the beast is too intense

There’s a beast in me, he’s lurking

His beat is so immense

Tried hard to make amens with him

but can...

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For the unreciprocated,

the obsessive,

the infatuated,

and the envious,

a late night lament for the reckless homosexual.

Only in the calm of the night

and the quiet of an alone bed

at midnight, can I write this

only now, twenty years on.

Only under flickering screen

in the cold light of night, with memories for company,

now I see it, plain as day.

...

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Sunflowers perfume, eau de toilette

Mum’s favourite by Elizabeth Arden

When I catch its scent, the memory I get

is embarrassment in my mate’s garden

In the Eighties, we both lived in rural Kent,

just outside the village of Marden

I once caught him gardening in the nude,

my good mate Gary Barden

Little seeds in me had been sewn by he

I said ‘Ooh, I beg your pardon’

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WINSTON CHURCHILL’S  PROSTATE

Mum worked as a legal secretary and known throughout the land

for her impressive skills  in the art of SHWPM

That’s the rate of words per minute you can write shorthand 

As a child I’d find Mum’s notes around the home wrote in way I could not understand 

All squiggles and doodles and funny letters weirdly written full stops and ampersand 

S...

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Sun in my eyes 

Warmth on my face 

It’s a surprisingly warm day for March

I’m on the beach at Clacton 

Mum is on a cruise around the Med with Aunty Jan

They are on the top deck 

sipping Malibu and coke 

Topping up their tan 

Sun in their eyes 

That’s what I tell myself

Everytime I get the sun in my eyes

I think of Mum

From that photo of her

before s...

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https://youtu.be/moEx8wdf80Q

It’s early Summer 

Dad is out the back again

Gardening in between cricket from the Ashes

If it’s not football, it’s the cricket

He’s digging a hole to plant a bush

Not digging where squirrels stash their Winter food

It’s now mid Winter 

Dad is out the back again 

Squirrels feast on nuts and berries  

He’s digging a hole to bury ashes 

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https://youtu.be/RBtG8fBmjrI

If you can’t find what you’re looking for

If you can’t find what you’re looking for

If you can’t find what you’re looking for

Why don’t you look in the fridge?

If you can’t find the cheese that you’re looking for

If you can’t find the keys that you’re looking for

Or the birds and the bees that you’re looking for

Listen please, look in ...

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Oh God, I hate these station stairs

Anticipate my mind despairs

Commuters looking everywheres

Like I’m the weight of fifty bears

Go down with mates in twos and pairs

Push past the mums with their pushchairs

Or overtake me if you dares

Exaggerate but so unfairs

They escalate all kind of glares

Downstairs I go and want to swears

Tip toe and slow but still what flare...

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Himbo himbo, do you know the lingo?

Gay man slang for gay male bimbo

Himbo himbo, have you got the lingo"

His name’s James but he’s ‘Himbo Jimbo’

Himbo Jimbo whilst he’s reading Rimbaud

trying to look smart with his legs apart akimbo

Himbo Jimbo, so you’re not in limbo

Shiny decorations looking shit just after Chrimbo

Himbo Jimbo, name’s got quite a ringo

Say...

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You gave me an STD

So said the nurse in the pharmacy

You gave me an STD

Her proctoscope up inside of me

You gave me an STD

Sitting on the throne like His Majesty

You gave me an STD

So said the bloke on the BBC

You gave me an STD

Sitting on your throne on your lavatory

You gave me an STD

Sitting out the back on your balcony

You gave me an STD

So s...

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In me and Alex’s bedroom, an emergency summit

for a group of bears to discuss an eventual whodunnit

In attendance are teddies, the soft-type cuddly toy

Many like Angus and Sooty, I’ve had since I was a boy

Chief Bear Ted begins, ‘We are here to discuss today

what must be done to keep Rufus away

He comes into our bedroom

We’re shoved in cupboard or drawer

to keep us out of...

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see me

learn me

write me

join my letters up.

headline

sideline ­

suffix

crucify the fix.

adverb

advent

address

advert of a dress.

letter

second

stamp

authoritative clunk!

article

artichoke

artist

antichrist in the antichoke.

icky-sticky

print me

in icky-sicky absolute.

catchphrase

paraphras...

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The owl and the pussycat, the porpoise and bear

The fox and hound, the tortoise and hare

One day in the Spring in the open air

In the pool for a swim went the tortoise and hare

Said the tortoise  to hare, ‘I really must ask',

As the hare took a break from swimming on past

‘In case you are blind or simply can’t read

Each lane has a name correct for its speed’

Thought ...

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Sunday nights in the early Noughties,  London’s White Swan on my own

Then back to the place of the guy I’d pulled but most times leave alone

Famous for its amateur strip, lads getting out their bum

But most gay guys wanted meat in their eyes, the only reason why they’d come

This one night after last orders and needed bad to feel 

Something more than drunk and heartbroke cos it h...

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Climb aboard this Green Line bus to Windsor

Great Grandad is at the wheel

He drove the same bus every day in the 1940s and 50s

Smog and cityscape gradually replacing the Kent and Sussex countryside

Walked home alone at 1am from where he left his bus at Woodbury Park Road in Tunbridge Wells

only to return a few hours later to begin the day’s service

There and back, there and ...

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‘Your usual?, asks Giorgio

as he sprays water over my hair

and adjusts the chair so my head is in correct relation to the mirror

whilst he attaches a black drape over my front to catch the residue

My usual? I’ve had it all and never usually the same style in a row

Straight back and sides

Crew cut

Curtains

Number one all over

Never coloured or dyed

Except when I tried ...

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